It was an emotional day as I said farewell to my 17 year-old Japanese student who’s come to Canada for an English educational experience. She inspired this topic of discipline. Coming from Asia where education is the highest priority for school aged youth, she demonstrated consistency and effort every single day with her routine of study. Before she arrived, I had wanted a more productive routine in my life, which is one reason I said yes to taking one of the 45 youth that came to North Bay from Saga Japan. I was aware of other Asian cultures, so I knew this experience would be good for my new single, independent life, as well as my children’s experience too. I set some written house rules, more about routine, so she could read them and better understand them with the language barrier.
About a month into her stay, we watched The Karate Kid together, and the movie coupled with the experience of watching her habits made me aware of the difference between disciplines in the Asian and Canadian lifestyle. I think we have a lot to learn about discipline from the people of Asian traditions, and I think that our lives would be more productive, our governments more effective, our budgets more useful if we adopted some of the productive efforts that are demonstrated in these ancient ways of living.
It seems like we’re more social here, and that is not a bad thing. But I believe that our social desires do distract us from what could be a more productive result, especially in this era of technology and social media, social networking and the entire knowledge base of the internet right in the palm of our hands.
- Would you like to shift your results in business, relationships or wellness?
- What would you like to be different?
- What discipline (habits) do you need to form to achieve the new result?
- How are you going to stay on course?
I’ve written a full Leadership Tip about the topic, here’s a link.
It even happens to me. The sweetest, most delicate and important relationships can go sour, just like that. This can be emotionally crushing. From my experience, here’s my top 3 ideas on what you can do about it. Watch the Video
Take the High Road – Act in your highest possible way; a way that you won’t regret later. It’s difficult, and it’s a lonely place, so reach out to people who’ll help you stay on the high road, not to people who’ll keep you spinning in negativity. You’ll benefit by professional help. I did.
Know What’s Yours and What’s Not – Because there are two or more people involved, and you’re only in control of one of them, you have to know what’s yours, and what’s not.
– What you’ve contributed to the issue,
– What your responsibility is to yourself and the other person,
– and what you need to do about that part.
The rest is theirs, and you have no control over that, but I guarantee you if you spend your energy fixing yourself, you’ll be miles ahead in your relationship potential. Often when you fix your thinking, and the problems fix themselves. So there’s your Work. Fix your own thinking, take responsibility for your part, be humble and vulnerable. Try to see it from all people’s perspectives, and allow others the freedom to have their own viewpoint. Their viewpoint is not right or wrong … It just is what it is. Let go of the need to control others, and do your own Work.
When in conversation about the conflict or issues, rather than defending yourself, (you don’t need to defend who you on the high road), listen to the other person(s) and let you know you heard them. Don’t judge. You’ll never be perfect and neither will others. Don’t make people wrong. As long as you’re making people wrong, there can be no connected relationship.
Have Faith – I learned while going through some tough years of being disconnected from someone so extremely important to me, to stop holding on so tight. Someone suggested that I let it go so that God could pick it up. I never forgot that. That became my Work. Having faith that if I held the intention of what I wanted, and let go of the need to control the timing, that it would happen just the way it’s supposed to.
And so I did, and it was hard, and I waited a long time, and I loved anyway, and I shared my most painful emotions with my closest circle of people, and I cried and yearned for things to be better but it took what seemed like an eternity of waiting. In those times I learned about the fragility of relationships. Of how quickly something so sweet could go sour, and I wept, but I also grew. I expanded and I became stronger and more resilient. Today, I have that person back in my life, and he’s precious like the greatest most fragile and valuable gift in the world. Have faith!
You can’t always mend a broken relationship, but there’s no such thing as a failed one if you learn the lessons from the tumultuous times. Find your lessons. Whether its workplace or business relationships, family or friends, cherish what you have and when sweet relationships go sour, take the high road, know what’s yours and have faith. If I can help, it would be my absolute pleasure because sweet relationships are worth investing in.
Remember, your greatest leadership day is with Penny Tremblay! 705-358-3396
I’m sharing this personal experience to help in the healing of mothers and children, as we celebrate Mother’s Day.
Early this morning I sat in a deep meditation, inviting wisdom from spiritual sources; some who are alive and some that have passed. In the center of my circle of wisdom keepers and seekers, a fire burned and the intention was set for healing, clarity and wisdom about being a Mom, and/or a daughter/son.
It was known that we can be called to duty because we’ve got gifts to give. The Creator, God, has a divine plan for us, and the duties sometimes seem unfair, but we’re given tasks because of our capabilities to perform them best.
Sometimes as Mother’s, we need to make difficult choices to save ourselves that seem to interrupt the flow or the comfort of our children or families. Being a Mom / child is just a part of who we are, and taking care of the other parts of who we are critical to our inner peace. These choices can cause upset for our children or parents, they will grow through the struggles. The bond of love between a mother and child is unbreakable at a soul level. Our job as Mother’s is to love our children. It is not their job to love us back. It is their job to find their way amidst the obstacles of life, and we must allow them to explore. There is a lot of time in the future to allow the bonds of love between parent and child to be fulfilling.
I was reminded that well beyond this lifetime, there are many other lives to live out, and we choose people long before we came into this life to live with and learn some of our toughest lessons, which strengthen us for this and future lives.
We have choices to make about the company we keep. At times, those choices divide families, where alternatively, we could continue a life of stifling our own spirit, to maintain the connection. Either way, there’s a cost. The question is, what result do we seek, and are we willing to pay the appropriate price.
It was suggested to love our partners, for the relationship long outlives the term we are parents. Children pass through our lives, partnerships are something we crave long-term, and shouldn’t be at the mercy of parenting. There’s always a regret when we’ve lost a partner, that we could have invested more love, more time.
Although the search for true happiness and completion will never end, we must enjoy the journey while we continue to live curiously through each day, soaking up every moment with a sense of gratitude for what each moment brings. This is possible and amplified with a Spiritual connection. With a connection to our higher power that we truly believe in and nurture daily, we realize that life is far more than our role as mothers or children. Spiritually connected and in tune, we know that the core of our being we are loved through all our imperfections, we are enough and that we are never ever alone.
Happy Mother’s Day!
I have a silent partner. She’s my dog. She stands by me whatever business decision I make, but one decision she makes for both of us on the days I’m in the home office is to get outside. I’ve just completed a seminar delivery on Time Management, or what I title “Effectiveness Beyond Time”, and so as we hit the bush trail today, I had been asking myself one question that I prompt my students to ask about how they’re spending their time. “Is this the best possible use of my time at this particular minute?”.
I struggle with my answer, considering many to-do’s and my quest for good balance. Just looking at my silent partner running ahead with a wagging tail, I new I was on the right path. But things were different today. It’s almost spring here in North Bay, and the snow is crusty, so for the first time, I could walk anywhere with my snow shoes, without sinking in snow. The possibilities were endless. I could go this way or that way, or anyway at all, and so there in lies my teaching for today, direct from Mother Nature through me, to you.
How many times do we follow the same path, the path we’ve decided was good a while back, the path that others create for us, or the path that tradition sets in our patterning early in life? Sometimes, the conditions are perfect for venturing off the ‘normal’ or ‘usual’ path to find new territory, to discover new potential, or just to experience that we have a world of opportunity just waiting for us to show up.
For me, this nature walk off trail taught me that each day is a new day, with new conditions, to see and feel and know what there is for me to see, feel and know on that given day. The world is a playground just waiting to be discovered, and today, with no leaves or foliage in the forest yet, and the ability to walk anywhere, I could explore things I’ve been passing by for months and really get a different perspective of them.
The conditions are perfect for exploring, but you have to get off the normal path to find out what else is possible.
What conditions would you need to lead yourself to at least explore new possibilities?
Preparing for a late-night walk in the rain with my dog Joy, my coat, hood and headband flashlight had made the dark, damp night feel safe.
I had been walking for almost 45 minutes before I realized that my head was dully aching. The guiding light of my headband’s light had been bright enough to help me find my way along the dirt road and choose secure and solid steps over the uneven ground, rocks and mud puddles, but once over the rough terrain, it became a burden. Had I been more tuned into the feeling of my skull being compressed by the headband, I would have removed it sooner. As soon as I realized and acted upon this, I instantly regretted my earlier lack of attention; the release of the taught elastic band that secured the lamp to my forehead loosened, and I felt immediate relief, expansion and freedom.
I then removed my hood and felt a natural high as the cool breeze blew through my hair. I began to think about how clinging to something—or someone—else’s guiding light and protection might end up sheltering me in the long run.
In my past, I held onto a guiding light: a teacher whom I felt compelled to follow along with, step by step. Following my teacher’s light, I felt safe and protected, but it was only after our time together ended that I discovered my own way. Without the teacher’s light, I was forced to find my own. Without their protection, I had to be brave; to stumble, get back up, and find my own groove. The chance to do things my own way gave me a new freedom that I had never known. This, too, was a natural high that felt just like the sudden cool breeze blowing through my hair: refreshing, liberating, proud and abundant.
Why do we remain under the wings of those who’ve led us, rather than take flight on our own journey with what we’ve learned?
Where have we allowed overprotection in our lives, and how has that stifled our freedom?
What are we clinging to for safety which only holds us back from being who we really are?
When will we allow our own guiding lights to shine brighter than those without whom we thought we’d be blind?
The brilliance of others can be helpful to us when balanced with our own guidance. The protection of others can be a safe place while we strengthen ourselves, but it’s not meant to be a place to curl up and hide from our own potential.
As I walked without the guiding light and hooded protection, I saw the night sky, the moon and the stars and realized that unsheltered and untethered is where my true freedom is.
Best wishes for your steps to freedom,
Penny Tremblay is the Director of the Tremblay Leadership Center, an international speaker, author, trainer and mentor with more than 20 years experience on the subject of business relationships. Her work has been published internationally for over ten years in online and offline publications, books and audio products. Her new book, Give and Be Rich will help you tap the circle of abundance in early 2014. Penny lives in Northern Ontario where she loves to balance family, career and time for spiritual self-mastery. www.PennyTremblay.com
Last week I was eating Chinese food in a little restaurant on Spadina Avenue in Toronto with my good friend and fellow author, Barry Spilchuk. I was speaking to him about being snagged (previous article explains how to best deal with snags) in my personal development because I realized that I was hooked onto something massive. I had received some uncomfortable feedback which had created a huge disturbance within me. Because of it I was contracted, uptight and upset, and just really wanted to get through it.
Being the great friend he is, he listened, understood, and could relate my situation to similar times in his life. We all need friends like this—people we can lean on when we’re not seeing clearly. Barry suggested a book to me by writing on a napkin: “The Untethered Soul” by Michael Singer. I bought it the very next day, an am in the process of reading it.
The inspiration for my article this month came from the realization of my snag this summer, my encounter with Barry, and the first few chapters of this book; implementing the amazing work of my journey towards inner freedom by staying open to everything.
I’ve realized that a snag is stored energy, no matter what kind of snag it is, and that it’s very hard work to continue to fight against it, work around it, or keep it locked down inside.
I know for sure that being open has made this the absolute best summer of my life.
I encourage you to take some time to read and contemplate my latest article, Are you open for business?, and remove what’s closing off your ability to receive the abundance that life has to offer.
Invest in this rich information, and be fully open for business.
One common denominator that I feel anyone needs despite their status of security in this economic time is OPTIMISM. In the workplace there are many changes that can leave us feeling apprehensive. Times change, people change, positions change, downsizing occurs, coworkers leave, people lose their jobs or their health; yet the only thing consistent besides change is the fact that we have the ability to choose our response. Optimism is key in relationship strategies within the office. Showing up for your day with a belief that opportunities for great things are everywhere will give your corporate culture or your energy level a huge boost.
During tough times, one of my favourite mantra’s is “everything works out more perfectly than I could have imagined”. It works like magic for me when I am feeling doubtful.
Here is a video clip that demonstrates your personal weather system, which like optimism, is contagious.
Make it a great May!
Read more on this subject, or about bringing creative workshops or keynotes to your team at PennyTremblay.com