Just returning from a week with my husband and attending a fabulous women’s conference near Boston, I was met with an outpouring of warmth and heartfelt sentiments from friends and strangers alike. As soon as they learned I was Canadian, people went out of their way to express their love for Canada, their friendships with Canadians, and even their dismay over the political tensions affecting our two nations. Many placed a hand over their heart, assuring me that they understood the challenges we face and wanted me to know that we remain connected as friends and neighbours. It was touching, reaffirming, and a testament to the power of peace and unity.
Amid these positive encounters, there’s an ongoing rhetoric that subtly undermines the respect and mutual understanding that should define our cross-border relationships—the idea of Canada as “the 51st state.” Though often intended as a joke, this statement can be seen as a form of micro-aggression—an unintended slight that diminishes the identity, autonomy, and sovereignty of an entire nation.
Understanding what a Micro-Aggression is…
A micro-aggression is a subtle, often unintentional comment or behaviour that communicates implicit bias or disregard for another’s identity, culture, or lived experience. While they may not be overtly hostile, their impact is cumulative, leading to feelings of frustration, invalidation, or even conflict. In the case of the 51st state comment, it implies a dismissive stance toward Canada’s independence, reinforcing a power imbalance rather than fostering mutual respect.
When people make comments like this, it may stem from a place of humour or familiarity, but it also highlights an underlying assumption of dominance rather than partnership. Whether in the workplace or broader social interactions, recognizing and addressing a micro-aggression is key to fostering peaceful and productive relationships.
From Conflict to Collaboration: Choosing Peace
At the heart of my work is the belief that we can transform conflict into collaboration. Whether in professional settings or international relations, peace is not merely the absence of conflict but the active presence of understanding, respect, and intentional dialogue. A simple shift in language can change the course of an interaction. Instead of joking about Canada’s status, we can express curiosity, appreciation, and a willingness to learn from each other. We can choose words that uplift rather than diminish. For example, instead of saying, “Canada could become the 51st state,” our American friends might say:
- “I love Canada’s unique identity and culture. What do you think sets it apart the most?”
- “Canada and the U.S. have such a close relationship—what do you think we can learn from each other?”
Also, for Canadians responding to the 51st state comment, a peaceful and constructive approach might be:
- “Canada has its own identity that we’re proud of, just like the U.S. has its own.”
- “Canada’s independence is important to us, just like the U.S. values its own. We work best as strong
partners.”
I left the United States last week with a deep appreciation for the kindness and support I received. I was reminded that while political tensions may rise, it is the people—the everyday interactions, the shared values, and the friendships—that truly define our relationship. Love and peace are always the answer, and that begins with how we speak to and about one another.
So, let’s be mindful. Let’s choose respect. And let’s continue to build bridges, not walls, in the way we communicate. Elbows up, friends!
With Peace,
Penny
