I live my life clear of conflict.  Meaning, when I feel conflicted with myself or others, I work through it to feel connected again. I’ve experienced the joy and bliss of having ‘nothing between us’, and this addictive state of being so connected and peaceful encourages me to stay clear, or get clear, time and time again in conflict circumstances. Whether it be friends, romantic partner, or business relationships…‘nothing between us’ means that we’re connected with no resentment, anger or frustration.  

Last week was challenging for me.  There was conflict in a couple of personal relationships, all about the same issue.  My bliss left the building! What was left was annoying me so much that I described it to a good friend like ‘a rock in the dryer’. You’ve heard that sound, right? When something very hard is clanging around in your dryer with the rest of the laundry?  Now imagine there’s no other laundry in the dryer, just the rocks. That was my inner noise last week. Rattle, rattle, bing, bang, rattle, bonk….(repeat for hours and hours and hours). 

I took control of the madness going on inside me and I stopped it.  

Ahhhh…joy and bliss was mine again.  😊

I’m going to share with you how I did it, because there’s a good chance you’ll feel a ‘rock in the dryer’ rattling around one day and you can use this strategy to get clear and connected again. 

First, I used ‘the Pivot Process’ from Esther Hicks, in Ask and It Is Given.  The Pivot Process suggests that when you catch yourself having a negative thought, interrupt your thought by saying this.  “Now I know what I don’t want, so I am getting clear on what I DO want.  What I DO want is…(finish by writing out what you do want instead.)”  Repeat the pivot process as necessary when your negative thought returns. 

Second, I used my 5 Step Model to Plan a Difficult Conversation, by Yours Truly (Me, and taught in my Sandbox Training programs). 

Step 1 – Issue –  Decide whether the issue is worth dealing with or not. The juice must be worth the squeeze, so decide whether it’s worth a conversation, or just let it go.

Note, there were two parties (two rocks in my dryer) and in this first step I realized that only one of them was worth maintaining a relationship with, so after running it through step 1, I decided to let one rock go. The decision to intentionally remove the rock from my dryer, with love, forgiveness and absolutely no desire to continue a relationship with was made. Letting go means really letting go…not just avoiding the conversation and holding resentment. Letting go could also mean just deciding to leave the conflict unaddressed, yet continue the relationship as well.  You decide what the letting go looks like but letting go means letting go of the resentment too.   The second party however, is a relationship worth keeping, working on, rebuilding trust in, and getting reconnected.  For that party, I proceeded through all steps of the model. 

Step 2  – Intention 

Step 3 – Why

Step 4 – Damage control 

Step 5 – Write your opening 

This 5 Step Model and the guidance for each step is coming out in my new book Sandbox Strategies for the New Workplace, but if you email my wonderful Assistant Monica, she will send it to you today. 

Well, here’s to peaceful laundry with no rocks in your dryer, meaning peaceful, connected relationships where your world is going round and round and you feel a state of joy and bliss.  Speaking of Joy…we wish you a holiday season over-flowing with much joy.  So much that you have lots to share with others. Sending so much love to all those who read my blog called Leadership Tips.