They say that there are three sides to every story: my side, their side, and the right side. Well, there is some merit to that. I call it the third story. To listen while in conflict, you almost have to take yourself out of character so you can filter the emotions from the facts. The third story is the neutral ground between conflicting perspectives.
What if, rather than leaning towards one story or the other, we as leaders sought out the “third story” instead?
Imagine being a teacher acting as a referee, watching children in a sandbox build and occasionally clash over their creations. The referee isn’t emotionally invested; they simply observe the situation and help the children understand the facts. This referee represents the third story—a viewpoint that is impartial, factual, and focused on bridging differences rather than assigning blame. This person would be synonymous with a third story . . . someone who has no investment in either side of the story that is playing out. They understand each side’s concerns and act as a neutral observer, otherwise known as a mediator.
You don’t need a mediator or referee to help you get to the third story, though. The key is in learning to find and describe the gap between each person’s story by removing the emotions and the judgment about who’s right and who’s wrong. It’s a process of sifting out the facts from the emotions associated with the situation.
The Third Story in Leadership
As leaders, our role often involves managing conflicts and guiding teams through challenging conversations. By adopting the third story approach, we can step back from our own biases and emotions to see the situation more clearly. This allows us to lead with empathy and fairness, fostering a work culture and environment where everyone feels heard and valued. When team members trust that their leader is fair and objective, they are more likely to engage in open and honest communication, leading to stronger workplace relationships. To find the third story, think about how things would look from the perspective of the referee in the sandbox. Thinking like you are the one overseeing the situation can help you describe the difference between the two stories, which then becomes the agreeable point.
In conflict resolution, the third story serves as a tool to shift the conversation from a “who’s right and who’s wrong” mindset to one of understanding and cooperation. By focusing on the facts and removing emotional biases, we create a space where both parties can come together and find common ground. This approach not only resolves the immediate conflict but also strengthens the relationship, paving the way for more productive collaboration in the future. After all, workplace relationships thrive on mutual respect and understanding.
The third story is more than just a concept—it’s a practical approach that can elevate your leadership, enhance your conflict resolution skills, and strengthen workplace relationships. Approaching conflict as a leader can be challenging; sometimes, we need to bring in a mediator to understand each side’s concerns and act as a neutral observer. I can help! Check out my mediation services today, and let’s bring your team closer to building peaceful and productive workplace relationships.
Have a great week,
Penny
Learn the strategies that will help your team resolve conflict in the NEW workplace.
- Embrace, accept, and welcome conflicting values
- Understand the importance of collaborative relationships for career advancement
- Take responsibility to co-create a winning culture with productive and profitable results
- Empathize with coworkers and even competitors to be the leader others WANT to follow
Press Appearances:
- CEOWorld Magazine
- Blue Heron Journal
- Mareo McCracken
- EverydayMBA, Host: Kevin Craine
- Savvy Business
- Swimming in the Flood
- Get Down to Business
- HR.com Leadership Excellence
- Indian Management Magazine
- Crafting Solutions to Conflict
- Vantage Fit Podcast
- Stay tuned, more coming soon…
