“Penny, can you help our organization? We need some training in ‘respectful communication’. It seems that our group has been challenged by something that has been said or written in an e-mail. We want to remind our people of the importance of communicating respectfully.”

This is a very common request that I receive from my clients and prospects. This article is intended to shed some light on why respectful communication is important, and how to ensure that you are making use of it.

The goal of positive and productive communication is to avoid mixed messages and ensure that the listener ‘decodes’ your message as it was intended. Therefore, the first step towards respectful communication is to examine your intention.

Check your intention first before saying or writing anything to anyone in the workplace.

Is your intention to resolve, build, strengthen, enhance, lead, promote, or generally bring a person or situation to a higher place? If not, then stop and reconsider. You are in the right state of mind to communicate only when your intentions are surely positive.

If your intention is to harm, reprimand, scold, chastise, criticize, tell off, or chew out, you are heading into dangerous territory. Don’t write it.  Don’t e-mail it, and for goodness’ sake, don’t ‘CC’ anyone! You will only be setting yourself up to receive that which you gave: disrespect.

Dig deep for good intentions, and if you cannot find them, seek help. With good intention, all things are possible.

A question I often hear from the ‘intentionally challenged’ is “Isn’t it easier to say and write what’s on my mind at the time?” No, it’s not easier — not in the short run, nor long-term. Communication that stems from a negative emotional charge will always come back to haunt its sender.

Electronic forms of communication such as e-mail, instant messaging, blogging, social networking, and social media (Facebook, Twitter, Google+, etc.) are not proper forums for airing your dirty laundry or venting about relationship breakdowns in the workplace (or in your personal life, for that matter). These services create permanent records of temporary emotions.  It’s better to write in your own personal journal during these emotionally charged times. Arrive at an inner resolve first before moving outward toward changing the situation where others are concerned.

Insist on face-to-face conversation when you have challenges to overcome.  Why?  You will be more empathic to the recipient; you will be able to adjust your messages by gauging their reactions; and, most importantly, you will be able to read their emotions, and they will be able to read yours. You can’t feel in an e-mail, and so text can seem cold and impersonal.

Face-to-face conversation is losing its popularity because it’s easier to type your feelings and thoughts. But what about the reader? Are typed feelings and thoughts easier from their perspective? How can you listen to them? How can you seek first to understand them before you are understood?

If face-to-face is not an option, the phone is your next best bet. The phone doesn’t make it as easy to connect and converse, but life isn’t always easy. As George Clooney’s character said in the film Three Kings, “You do the thing you’re scared shitless of, and you get the courage after you do it — not before you do it.” (I think this is the first 4-letter word I have ever used in an article … but … it wasn’t really me … it was George J )

Take the high road. Do the internal work first so you can communicate in a way that you will feel good about. When you skip that crucial first step, you will carry the baggage of disappointment with you long after the communication has taken place. When you approach the situation with a clear mind, you will feel proud of the way you handled it.

Technology can serve us as a tool to increase communication efficiency, yet the human element can become neglected and bypassed, therefore compromising quality and effectiveness. Note the difference between ‘efficient’ and ‘effective’.

There is a time and place for both efficient electronic communication and effective human relations centered on connectedness. Consider your reader, and ensure that your intention is to lift them to a higher place. If you don’t, you adversely affect your own personal growth and development, as well as that of those around you.

 “Life is not about doing what feels good. It’s about doing what will give you the best results in the end.” ~ Barbara De Angelis

Love in the workplace can be displayed as respect, and respectful communication is the foundation of love.  Create for yourself and others a great March.

Love and Respect,

Penny

P.S. I am working on a daily basis with Barbara De Angelis, Ph.D.,  one of the most renowned and influential teachers in the field of personal and spiritual development, and the best-selling author of 14 books. At a recent weekend gathering, Barbara, also a speaker, mentor and spiritual teacher, told me that I was a great student, and therefore I can be a great teacher to others. I would encourage you to consider working with a great teacher too. You can learn more about Barbara De Angelis at barbaradeangelis.com , or you can work with me as your personal mentor.Explore my website to learn what my seminars, workshops, keynotes, books, and audio products can bring to you or your organization.