Lately I’ve been feeling ‘less than’.
Less than I’ve been in the past,
Less than I’ve been to my kids,
Less than I’ve been in self-motivation,
Just plain ‘less than’.

In reflection and prayer of this place of ‘less than’, I’ve labeled it with feeling ‘insignificance’. But why? (I’m always asking myself and my peers the deeper questions.) Why am I feeling insignificant?

Is it because I’ve reached a peak in my career and there’s no more?
Is it because my two beautiful teen-aged kids don’t need me like they used to?
Is it because I’ve met a man who shares the love with me that I’ve always wanted?
Is it because I’ve become so comfortable with who I’ve shifted into that I’m not motivated to keep on shifting?

As I look back on the past year, I’ve made some life changing decisions. These decisions have taken me out of ‘story’. The ‘story’ that has run in me for so many years was complex. My story read like this … I’m not enough. I’m not lovable. Love is painful. I cannot trust. People don’t have time for me. etc.

The decisions I’ve made recently have forced me to shift my thinking because I’ve intended to, and because there’s been so much evidence against my past thinking that I’ve just kept on receiving, like a buffet of the opposite of my story, where I’ve eaten and devoured it all because my soul has been starving for it for so long and now the Universe has provided it, and I’ve learned how to receive the unlimited abundance.

So why am I feeling insignificant? Instead of full and beaming with goodness? Because I’m just learning how to ‘BE’ without my story.

Who am I without my story? I am just in a place of empty and meaningless trying to figure that out. It’s like I have a huge white canvass, and I can paint whatever I want, but I think I don’t know what to paint, or how to paint, or what colour, or how to hold the brush, or how it should look in the end.

So I’m floating in nothingness right now, just being where I am each and every day. When I do show up to write, speak, teach, parent or love, the result is more meaningful and magnificent than it’s ever been.

I prayed for an answer to why I feel insignificant yesterday, on the top floor of our beautiful apartment overlooking the Coral Sea on Hamilton Island, Australia. The message came quickly and clearly. “It’s in your insignificance, that you’ll find huge significance”. With this inspiration, I feel like my life is right on schedule, and I’m going to keep on moving forward, being someone new, without my old story.