A Different Sandbox – Family Values vs Workplace Realities 

In my expertise of workplace conflict, training and resolution, the metaphor Play Nice in the Sandbox is my objective. I help people learn to play nice in the sandbox, and when they don’t, I help them fix broken relationships.  Most often, in the mediation work that I do, I notice that people are bringing old conflict into their current sandbox.  

I had the privilege of meeting a gentleman from New Orleans, who has an incredible mind when it comes to this topic.  In this brief interview, Logan Loomis, a consultant, coach and professional trainer helping companies unlock performance potential in their people and business, shares some excellent experience and feedback about bringing old stuff into a new sandbox.  (ie. Family values vs. workplace realities). More importantly, how to be aware of the behavior and change it.

Logan Loomis provides consulting, coaching and professional training to companies to help them unlock performance potential in their business and in their people. He has written two books,  Both Sides Win  and  Getting the People Equation Right.   He has also presented to hundreds of participants from both mid-market and large companies, to  foster professional growth in leadership, negotiation, sales, customer service and people development.  

I met Logan at a Wealthy Speaker Live event, and we connected on a mutual interest of how past conditioning drives current behaviour, and often misguides us because the model that once worked in a previous sandbox, isn’t necessarily going to work out in your current sandbox.  

As a bonus, we discuss the very important topic of listening, and how conflict usually dissolves when people feel heard. 

Here’s a sample of what you’ll learn: 

Logan Loomis:  “One of the things that I’ve found as a coach helping businesses grow, is we develop success patterns or success models in whatever the sandbox we’re in. A lot of those come from our original sandbox, what we had to do to succeed in our family. When we move to another sandbox, those success patterns may not promote success in that new sandbox. And so, we have to unlock our performance potential to create new behavioral patterns that are going to contribute to success in whatever situation we find ourselves in, or, to use your metaphor, the sandbox we find ourselves in.

I hope you enjoy either the 10 minute audio, or the full transcript below.

Is 10 minutes of your time worth building and saving great relationships? Or supporting a team that’s struggling? You’re darn right it is! 

Penny Tremblay:  Well, I’m so excited today to have such a great guest with me. I met Logan Loomis in Charlottetown, Florida, at the Wealthy Speaker event with Jane Atkinson.  We got talking about mutual interests and services that we offer clients. Logan is far more experienced than I am, and after listening to him for a short while and I said, “Wow. I really want to bring your knowledge to my audience.” 

Penny Tremblay:  My expertise is workplace relationships; Play Nice in the Sandbox is my brand. I help people learn to play nice in the sandbox, and so often I realize that people are bringing old conflict into their current sandbox. Logan and I got talking about that. Logan is a consultant and coach. He does professional training with companies and helps them unlock performance potential in their people, which also results in unlocking performance potential in their business. He’s got an incredible mind when it comes to this stuff, so I’m really excited to have him here. Logan, can you give us, some of your experience and feedback about bringing old stuff into a new sandbox? 

Logan Loomis:  I’d be delighted, Penny, and it’s great to be with you and your audience today. I love your metaphor of a sandbox because in life, we do move into different sandboxes. One of the things that I’ve found as a coach and helping businesses grow, is we develop what I think of as success patterns or success models in whatever the sandbox we’re in. A lot of those come from our original sandbox, what we had to do to succeed in our family. When we move to another sandbox, those success patterns may not promote success in that new sandbox. And so, we have to unlock our performance potential to create new behavioral patterns that are going to contribute to success in whatever situation we find ourselves in, or, to use your metaphor, the sandbox we find ourselves in.  

Logan Loomis:  One of the things that has been really helpful to me in understanding our behavioral patterns, and helpful for me in working with my clients, is the use of behavioral data. For the last 18 years I’ve used an assessment called the Harrison Assessment. It’s distinct in that it is built from the traits that go into job performance rather than personality, and unlike personality assessments it’s a behavioral assessment. So, we can see behaviors. Some which are going to be productive behaviors for the sandbox you’re in, some that are not going to be productive behaviors for the sandbox you’re in. And fortunately, because, although we can’t change our personalities, we can change our behaviors. 

Penny Tremblay:  Right. 

Logan Loomis:  And play to our strengths as well. To give one example, one of the traits in the Harrison Assessment is called ‘takes initiative’, and what that really is evaluating is how much approval or guidance you need when making a decision. Can you make an independent decision to move on, or do you need someone to validate that decision? I’ve got a client who I’ve worked with for over a decade, and they have a sales guy who the CEO felt had tremendous potential, but he was driving the CEO crazy because he would come in and say, “Is this the way you want me to do this? How do you want me to do this?” And so, when I looked at his data, that trait was very inconsistent with the high self-motivation, high achievement drive that he had.  

Logan Loomis:  And so I said, “You know, just as a curiosity, when you were growing up, was there anybody who was a very strong authority figure in your family?” And he said, “Logan, my dad was a Marine.” I said, “So, if you didn’t ask permission, what was going to be the consequence of that?” And he goes, “Logan, there was a physical consequence for me not asking permission.” And I said, “Okay, let me explain something to you. The CEO is not your dad. There is not going to be a repercussion. Let’s reevaluate that.” And, what’s been great is he did, and he’s continued to be just a tremendous performer. And, something that amuses me, I ran into the sales guy and I said, “So, how’s the CEO doing?” And he said, “I don’t have time for him.” So, just a total transformation for how to succeed in a new environment where the authority figure is not your father and that just realizing that, the relationship can be matured and more of the performance potential can be unlocked. So, one of the things that I think we can learn as we go forward is to look at our behavior and just evaluate, in this situation, what behaviors are going to drive the most success, and then play to our strengths. 

Penny Tremblay:  Right. And, you know, that self-reflection, that looking into our own behavior as to why we do what we do and say what we say and behave how we behave. I don’t think that that’s common practice. I think that we very, very quickly look at other people and how they’re not playing nice in our sandbox or not behaving the way that we want them to behave without recognizing that we actually have so much influence and control over the sandbox environment — How things work out or not work out. Do you have any suggestions or do you have any indications for people when they should be flagged to look deeply at how they’re showing up in a certain situation? 

Logan Loomis:  When, one of the things that I’ve learned in life, and it was a profound insight to me when I was a CEO, was to learn to listen skillfully, which is listening to the point of understanding. And I think we tend, as human beings, to react to a situation, and one of the keys I think to playing in any sandbox is to pause and confirm that you really understand what somebody is saying. To check in, to say, and I call it the magic phrase, “So if I understand you.” If you can harness that, that’s going to help you play in any sandbox. You and I both have done a lot of conflict resolution, and when I was doing mediation, I practiced law for the better part of 10 years, and when I was doing mediation, it was stunning to me to see that the issues that caused the conflicts were often misunderstandings, or not being heard. And so, as we are in our leadership roles, if we pause and truly understand where somebody is coming from, it makes a huge amount of difference. 

Logan Loomis:  Psychologists tell us that after food and shelter, the most compelling human need is to be understood. And so, I think that’s a key to playing effectively in any sandbox and it’s a key to resolving any kind of conflict, is to make sure that you understand where you’re coming from. And it changes the whole dynamic in a relationship. 

Penny Tremblay:  Yes. I agree 100%. If that’s all the skill that you bring to the game is seeking to understand people, you will go so far. And then, if you happen to be fortunate enough to be surrounded by or with somebody who’s also doing the same for you, wow. That is incredible. But, agree so much. 

Logan Loomis:  Wow …It does bring a whole different energy. 

Penny Tremblay:  Yes, yes. And, you know, people think that great communication skills mean how we come out and what we come out with and how eloquent or smart we can sound or how concise we can be or how impactful we can be with our words, but I think paramount to that is how we can let other people’s words come in. That is a skilled communicator. And I also do mediations, and getting people to the point of understanding each other is … Once you get there, the rest is easy, right? The rest is easy. 

Logan Loomis:  You just see the conflict dissolve. 

Penny Tremblay:  That’s right. 

Logan Loomis:  You know, you just see the conflict dissolve. It’s been fun over the years, because I think one of the most profound things I’ve learned in my very long career now is that you can gain more influence by listening than you can by speaking if you listen to the point of understanding.  

Penny Tremblay:  Yes. 

Logan Loomis:  And, in a workshop that I’ve done for the last 20 years I guess, I actually create conflict, and it’s a group exercise so nobody has to be singled out except when they’re in the initial conversation with me, but you can see how you respond to me changes the energy and the conflict. And when you respond in an understanding way, simply trying to understand, you can see the conflictive energy just dissolving. 

Penny Tremblay:  Yes. 

Logan Loomis:  It’s a really profound experience for people to be able to observe what happens when you respond to me in an understanding way rather than in a problem-solving way or in a defensive way. You change the whole dynamic, which ultimately, and it’s something that you alluded to earlier, it ultimately gives you far more self-control. You’re far more in control of the experience simply by listening to the point of understanding than you are in speaking. 

Penny Tremblay:  Yes. I would love to be a fly on the wall in your work and/or even better, be able to experience it first-hand sometime, and I welcome anyone listening to this to look you up and follow you or participate in the services that you offer, because you’re an exemplary role model in this line of work and somebody that I really, really look up to. And in the short time that I’ve known you and the conversations we’ve had, there’s always so much value in nuggets of wisdom that you have to offer.  

Logan Loomis:  Well thank you, Penny, and the feeling is quite mutual, I assure you. 

Penny Tremblay:  Thank you for being a part of this, and I look forward to another interview with you to keep sharing your amazing knowledge with our listeners. So with that, I’ll sign off and thank you very much. 

Logan Loomis:  Thank you, Penny.