I get asked the question time and time again… “What do you say to stop gossip that’s coming at you? Here are my suggestions.
First, in a previous leadership tip, I’ve described gossip as “… always negative. If you’re talking trash about someone, behind their back to someone else, you’re gossiping…. Is there a difference between gossip and venting? In my opinion, no. Read the full tip here. It’s red hot relevant after 4 years of writing it, and it’s a foundational tip to this one. Well worth a few minutes of your time.
Second, check in with yourself to make sure that you’re not contributing to the gossip. When I ask an audience to raise their hand if they’ve gossiped about people in their workplace, almost every hand goes up. I love the honesty! It’s also exciting to know that people want to stop the cycle.
Imagine you come into work with great intentions of having a productive and peaceful day, and then the gossip gull (kind of like an office seagull, a bothersome entity that poops regularly without any regard for where it lands) flies over to you and poops out stinky gossip about someone, or several people, and you just wish they’d buggar off and let you enjoy your workplace. What do you say to the gossip gulls?
You say “pissshaaaaph” To make the sound best, wrap your lips around your teeth to resemble a toothless person, and then say ‘p*ss off’ in seagull tone. They’ll think you’re crazy, and they’ll never want to talk to you again. Mission accomplished!
Ok, all kidding aside, here are some options:
| Most passive: | You listen to their gossip, let them steal your time and taint your positive energy, while you say nothing at all. “Mmmm hmm, Mmmm hmm, huh” |
| Passive: | You listen to their gossip, let them steal your time and taint your positive energy and you comment to give them some sort of fuel to do it again. “Mmm hmmm, ya? Wow, that’s interesting” |
You get my point right? Don’t be passive and enable the problematic behavior that you know is not conducive to a productive culture.
| Assertive: | You acknowledge what you’ve heard them say, and you take a stand for a gossip free workplace by speaking up to create the workplace that you’d rather be part of. |
| Here’s the strategy. Acknowledge what you’ve heard ie. “I understand that you think Mary has joined forces with Bill to get everyone fired by Friday.” Then follow with your honest voice. Here’s some options to use to not get hooked into gossip, and to speak your truth and desire:
“It sounds like gossip to me” “I don’t want to be part of it” “I’m working toward a gossip free environment” “Is this confirmed? Or is it perhaps just gossip?” redirect “Mary and Bill are important team members. I value their contribution” |
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| Semi aggressive:
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“Gossip doesn’t work for me (anymore … if you’ve been part of it in the past)”
“I’m really not interested in gossip |
| Aggressive: | “Enough gossip. It’s creating a toxic workplace.”
“Gossip isn’t healthy for me, or you for that matter. It’s time to stop” |
When people ask me what to say in any situation, I always put the confidence in them that they know the situation better than I do. The content is not necessarily what I’m trying to teach; rather the context. The basics are these:
- You get to detach from the effects of people’s negativity
- It’s your responsibility to speak up when someone is tainting your space
- Standing in your own decision to work toward a gossip free workplace requires you to pay attention to your own behaviour.
Set your boundaries and make sure you’re leading a good example. That’s enough work. Let other people do their own. You can guide them lovingly toward a better outcome with the strategies provided above. Start assertively, and move into the more aggressive approaches if required.
Soon you’ll look up at the sky with great confidence, that no gossip gulls are going to poop on your workplace culture, and you’ll be honking like the Canada geese who cheer each other on, rather than pissshaaaaph’ing to keep the gossip gulls at bay.
Remember your greatest leadership day is with Penny Tremblay. Honk honk honk!
Ps. This leadership tip is dedicated to Trisha, Dr. Sara and the entire team at AGH. Thank you for the inspiration.