As you saw in my Special Report, another big mistake leaders make when dealing with conflict is GETTING EMOTIONALLY ENTANGLED.
Let me tell you a short story to illustrate how we can get entangled in conflict.
While settling into my new home and organizing my jewellery, I was faced with the daunting task of detangling two of my favourite chains that were knotted together in a complex mess. One was a favourite gold chain that I wore often; the other was a popular silver one.
As I sat focused on solving the problem, I began to see how the bond between these chains was similar to relationships between people and how conflict and entanglement between two or more can create dysfunction. In this condition, both chains were not useful.
How many of us go through life feeling useless or dysfunctional in some way because we’re tangled up in knots of unresolved conflict with the people that really matter in our personal or professional lives?
Resolving this dysfunction is only possible when we admit that there are knots and that some of them are ours (gold), while others belong to those with whom we have become entangled with (silver).
Once I’d spent some time focusing on the entanglement, I realized I needed some brighter lights to work beneath. What a difference that made! The light in this story resembles awareness. In relationship conflicts, a brighter source of awareness could take the form of looking deeper into how our own ‘story’—or past experiences—are still playing out today and affecting how we are “showing up” to conflict.
This awareness is a critical piece when it comes to NOT getting emotionally entangled in conflict. We must learn to recognize what’s ours (the gold) and know what belongs to others (silver).
After a considerable effort in picking apart the gold from the silver strands, I was almost able to free my two beautiful chains from their debilitating entanglement. There was, however, still one knot that I couldn’t seem to loosen on my own. It was too tight, and I didn’t want to put too much pressure on it because the chains were fragile and valuable and might break completely and permanently.
Relationships are also fragile, and too much pressure can cause a breakdown.
My solution to that last tough knot was to call on an expert to help unravel the part that I wasn’t equipped to manage, so off I went to my local jeweller.
The next day, I picked up two beautiful, individual, cleaned, shiny chains. The small investment to protect my valuables of time and money was very well spent.
In conflict resolution as well, we can attempt to untangle the simple knots and reach out to a professional to assist with those that are beyond our capacity. It’s ok that you can’t work through them all, because there are experts like me who can help you with the more difficult ones.
If you’ve gotten entangled in a workplace conflict, don’t worry, it happens to the best of us. I’d love to hear about it and give you some free leadership tips to help you get back into the driver’s seat. Click on the link below to sign up for cutting-edge leadership tips!
Enjoy these great leadership tips!
P.S. I’m leading a short 30-minute webinar on this topic on Wednesday, April 13th, from 12:30 pm to 1 pm ET. I have a complimentary seat for you. Click here to claim your spot.