What a great summer it’s been in Northern Ontario. September is a time to shift into a new routine and for many that means back to school. For me, it means both my teens off to University for the first time, and a shift for all of us into a new routine of deeper focus and productivity.
Whether you’re looking for techniques to focus, a method of building stronger rapport with customers, or mending strained relationships, there’s a need to shut off what you’re currently thinking and show up to what’s in front of you. Easier said than done! This short message will give you three tips on how to focus in and listen more deeply.
#1 – Be interested
When someone’s talking we get wrapped up in our own head about how we relate to the information; we form opinions, we analyze if it’s write or wrong according to those opinions, and then we interrupt, or wait till their done, and respond about the thoughts we were thinking while they were speaking. This is not listening. This is hijacking the conversation. Being interested means to clear your mind with the intention to understand what the other person is saying and feeling.
#2 – Re-frame
In this step, don’t talk about yourself or your thoughts. Just simply communicate back to what you heard. You can do this by saying, “If I understand, you said that ….”. and That’s it!
You’ll experience this on a phone call with a customer service department because they’ve been trained to do it.
Me: Hi Bell Canada? My internet is slow. When will it be fixed?
Bell Canada: Hi Ms. Tremblay. I understand that you are calling because your internet is slow and you want to know when it will be fixed.
Me: Ahhhhh ….. yes they understand my issue!
#3 – Manage your Emotions
Regardless of where the conversation goes from the first two steps, it’s important that you manage your fast acting emotions. Emotion acts faster than logic. Feel and acknowledge your feelings, then, allow time for the logic you want to convey, and respond when you’re ready.
This looks so easy on paper … but it’s where you’re the challenging work is.
Want to know how to be a great co-worker? Show up and listen!
Want to know how to approach a difficult conversation? Show up and listen!
Want to know how to be a good networker? Show up and listen!
Salesperson? Spouse? Parent? Manager? … you got it … just show up and listen!
Communication is an art, not a science. It doesn’t have to be perfect. If you just show up and listen, the only thing you must get right is how to show up and listen.
You won’t always get it right, but be patient with yourself, and keep practicing. The worst thing that happens when you master the ‘Show up and listen’ technique is that others won’t necessarily reciprocate and you will feel frustrated at not being understood.
Giving the gift of listening to someone begins the process of reciprocity, which creates an unspoken obligation to return the courtesy to you. ‘Begins the process’ being the key words … it’s just a beginning. Eventually you will attract back what you put out … not necessarily from the same person, but reciprocity is a law across human societies that indicates we should pay back what we receive from others.
Show up and listen by being interested, re-framing and managing your emotions. You’ll find greater focus, and develop better rapport and relationships with the people around you. Wishing you all the best in the upcoming season. If you need some help, give me a call.
