How would you like to be more powerful and efficient, and to have people take you more seriously when you ask for something to be done? How would you like to introduce an employee or helper to a set of tasks, and have them take responsibility for getting it done? What would be different in your life if that which you asked of others was accepted and acted upon until fulfilled? Does all this sound too good to be true?
Whether you are someone’s manager, team leader, business owner, customer, parent or friend, you can set boundaries and have others conform to your expectations. This article will point you in the right direction, in a short read.
A client that I mentor — let’s call him ‘Max’ — asked me how to deal with a colleague who did not respect a process of safely maintaining equipment. I suggested that Max set firm boundaries with his colleague about the process in place to maintain the equipment. I also advised Max to schedule a brief meeting to reinforce the process and explain why it was critical to the roles, goals and mission of the team, and to ask his colleague for any input or feedback that could enhance the process.
“Once your process is established, don’t bend with the results,” I said. “People need to feel your expectations as determined in your boundaries and by your responsibilities. If you are wishy-washy with your own boundaries, others will be as well. Be firm and fair.”
Max returned to his workplace, set his boundaries in his own mind, respectfully communicated them to his colleagues, and asked for input and compliance. The employees did what was expected of them, and the organization ‘lived happily ever after’ in this regard. Sounds like a fairy tale, but it works.
Problems arise when leaders are loose. Don’t forget: we are all leaders.
Did you ever notice that a team’s performance can get sloppy when its members stop taking full responsibility for their tasks? This is when the team lead needs to tighten their boundaries, visit the issue, make an example of the appropriate behavior for the task, then ask that it be followed. When you directly address the poor performance instead of avoiding the conversation, you are sending a message that you expect things done this way, not that way. It’s either black or white. It’s right, or it needs to be addressed again.
Boundaries are needed everywhere. Children need to feel boundaries to find their safe zones, so they push. Some children don’t ever hit a wall, so they continue to push. For a child, hitting that wall and defining boundaries is important. Even though children may not feel happy in the moment, they feel the boundaries of their security. This is important.
My puppy has taught me a lot about boundaries lately. Now eight months old, Joy and I started attending obedience school. One of the school’s trainers is strict when it comes to behaviour, and made me realize immediately that I was giving Joy too much freedom to do what she wanted to do, and that I had to pay closer attention to catch Joy behaving inappropriately, correct the behaviour, then praise and reward Joy for her obedience. When James held Joy’s leash, he corrected her bad behaviour immediately. James issued a command, and Joy stepped out of line again. With a rattle of her choker chain, her behaviour was corrected again. On the third attempt she obeyed and was praised by the trainer. I was surprised how quickly the training took effect. Furthermore, Joy looked up to the trainer for praise and befriended him. “See, Penny?” said James. “She still likes me. Dogs want a strong leader, and she respects me for being firm.”
People need boundaries. People respect those who set boundaries — those who are firm and fair, correct bad behaviour, and give immediate praise and reward for a job well done.
It’s not going to be easy to set and maintain boundaries in your life. People are not necessarily as forgiving as dogs. There have been people that I have discontinued business with because I did not feel that they respected my boundaries. I have discontinued friendships in which my boundaries were being violated. The better news is that I have found better businesses and friendships that honour and respect who I am and what I am intending to accomplish.
Imagine a river, its current strong and its movement powerful. It is the most efficient source of water as it nurtures, cleanses, nourishes and travels. It is magnificent because it has boundaries — its banks.
“A river without banks is just a large puddle” – Ken Blanchard
Set firm boundaries for yourself first and then for others. You can read more about boundaries for yourself in my blog post. Enjoy the riches that boundaries will return to you: respect, admiration, efficiency, power and influence. Imagine yourself moving powerfully and efficiently in the direction of your desires, just like a river.
Penny
