“Until death do we part” is etched in my mind as a popular wedding vow. Lately, however, I’ve been thinking about how death or tragedy brings people together. The sharing of loss, grief and compassion has family members dropping the things that would normally keep them too busy to connect so that they can show up to support one another. The deeper question I have is why do we wait? Why does it take a tragedy to put the first things first in our lives, which—for most people—are relationships?
Even a minor shift in a relationship piques my interest in this subject. I recently heard news of a talented businessman leaving our community and felt an urgent need to connect with him. I wanted to ensure that our relationship doesn’t end. He’s valuable to me. I feel I have as much to offer him as he has to offer me. “Why did I wait?” I asked myself.
If you took your last breath upon retiring to bed tonight, would it all be said? Would those you love and care about know how you feel? Would the strained relationships in your life become resolved? More importantly, would you feel complete with those who really matter to you?
My partner Matt received a phone call about a month ago with sad news of his step-father’s passing. Matt’s mom had left his stepfather at home while she ran a daily errand, only to come home 45 minutes later to find him laying on the floor. He had passed away very suddenly and with no warning. Matt spent a few hours with his mom and the body of his stepdad before the coroner took him away. It was in those moments that Matt was able to say a few things that he’d been wanting to say for many years.
When we see someone, we never know if it will be for the last time; yet if we think about how we’d leave things with that person—just in case it is the last time—we’d respond and communicate from a deeper place of love and acceptance instead of judgment and criticism. It’s not just the person we’re losing that we connect with in a time of tragedy. We rekindle, resolve and reconnect with other members of our family or community with whom we’ve grown apart from because we realize that the human needs of support and compassion that we can give far outweigh our own selfish battles of ego, being right, being accepted, or being treated a certain way. Why don’t we just default to love, support and compassion?
Things that matter most shouldn’t be at the mercy of things that matter least. In the end, relationships matter most, so why wait? We’re not too busy when there is a tragedy to drop everything and go to support the people that matter, so why don’t we make time to nurture the needs of relationships that matter even in the absence of tragedy?
I’m sharing this personal experience to help in the healing of mothers and children, as we celebrate Mother’s Day.
Early this morning I sat in a deep meditation, inviting wisdom from spiritual sources; some who are alive and some that have passed. In the center of my circle of wisdom keepers and seekers, a fire burned and the intention was set for healing, clarity and wisdom about being a Mom, and/or a daughter/son.
It was known that we can be called to duty because we’ve got gifts to give. The Creator, God, has a divine plan for us, and the duties sometimes seem unfair, but we’re given tasks because of our capabilities to perform them best.
Sometimes as Mother’s, we need to make difficult choices to save ourselves that seem to interrupt the flow or the comfort of our children or families. Being a Mom / child is just a part of who we are, and taking care of the other parts of who we are critical to our inner peace. These choices can cause upset for our children or parents, they will grow through the struggles. The bond of love between a mother and child is unbreakable at a soul level. Our job as Mother’s is to love our children. It is not their job to love us back. It is their job to find their way amidst the obstacles of life, and we must allow them to explore. There is a lot of time in the future to allow the bonds of love between parent and child to be fulfilling.
I was reminded that well beyond this lifetime, there are many other lives to live out, and we choose people long before we came into this life to live with and learn some of our toughest lessons, which strengthen us for this and future lives.
We have choices to make about the company we keep. At times, those choices divide families, where alternatively, we could continue a life of stifling our own spirit, to maintain the connection. Either way, there’s a cost. The question is, what result do we seek, and are we willing to pay the appropriate price.
It was suggested to love our partners, for the relationship long outlives the term we are parents. Children pass through our lives, partnerships are something we crave long-term, and shouldn’t be at the mercy of parenting. There’s always a regret when we’ve lost a partner, that we could have invested more love, more time.
Although the search for true happiness and completion will never end, we must enjoy the journey while we continue to live curiously through each day, soaking up every moment with a sense of gratitude for what each moment brings. This is possible and amplified with a Spiritual connection. With a connection to our higher power that we truly believe in and nurture daily, we realize that life is far more than our role as mothers or children. Spiritually connected and in tune, we know that the core of our being we are loved through all our imperfections, we are enough and that we are never ever alone.
Happy Mother’s Day!
Being among family can be more demanding of our emotional capacity than anything else. You can choose your friends, but family is chosen for us, and the bond runs deep whether relations are good or not good. Tolerance is an asset.
Be the Gift this year. Be tolerant of others. Be the one who can mingle in family time without judgment. Accept people for who they are, or who they are not.
Be aware of your intolerant thoughts about people, places or things. If thoughts of resentment, jealousy, judgment or self pity back come up, redirect them back toward your own peace as if they are light beams that are yours, and being chosen to keep for their brilliant energy. Call it back to you, and convert it to light, bright goodness so that it can be medicine for your own mind, body and spirit.
Other people’s issues aren’t our problem to solve. They’ve got their own struggles and we have ours. If we were supposed to be dealing with their struggles, it would feel right. But it feels off, which is our internal guidance system telling us to focus elsewhere.
This is a very short Holiday greeting, because I know you’re busy and heading into the most intensive seasons of the year. A time when you’ll be with family, and those that matter most to you, and for some, a time when you can only wish you could be with someone special who isn’t there. Be Tolerant – and Be Rich in peace, love and joy.
My partner and I were having breakfast on the shore of Lake Ontario, looking out over a beautiful marina with the sun dancing across the clear blue water. “Pinch me” I said, in awe of the beauty around me, the love I feel from him and for him, my spirituality, gratitude for my health, kids, my accomplishments and so on. We began a deep conversation about the meaning of “pinch me”.
I returned to my hotel room and checked my phone. A text message from one of my coachee’s (people I coach) said “I’m having such a great time with my Dad on the Athabasca glacier in Alberta. After losing Mom, I realize how precious these moments are. Pinch me out of this dream!”
‘Pinch me’ became a theme for me for the day, and a contemplation that I wanted to share with you.
In my understanding, ‘pinch me’ is a phrase that says that things are so amazing, I must be dreaming, and need to wake up, or to make sure that this is in fact real life. In that idea then, it seems that unintentionally we’re somehow sabotaging the situation that we’re speaking of.
Dreaming as I see it in this context is not real, but imaginary. Assuming we must be dreaming because things are so amazing invites us to believe that this isn’t normal, or natural. Waking up as I interpret it is coming back to reality, which is obviously not as heavenly as the place I felt I needed to be pinched in.
Why can’t we be in the amazing moments and really stand in them, and receive them fully, and really feel worthy and deserving of them? Then perhaps ‘pinch me’ would sound more like, ‘I’ve arrived’, or ‘I’m fully standing in who I was meant to be’, or even just ‘I am worthy and deserving of this abundance’.
One of the questions I have been asking myself over and over again in the past 6 months is “How much am I willing to receive?” This has pushed me beyond so many limiting beliefs that it has completely changed my life.
The next time I hear someone say ‘Pinch me’, I am going to do just that. I am going to pinch them so hard that they squeal, and realize that they are already awake, and that pain of being pinched is not at all what they want to feel, but receiving, worthiness and a sense of deserving is.
If you liked this post, you will love the whole chapter titled Receiving in my new book, Give and Be Rich – Tapping the Circle of Abundance.