It even happens to me. The sweetest, most delicate and important relationships can go sour, just like that. This can be emotionally crushing. From my experience, hereâs my top 3 ideas on what you can do about it. Watch the Video
Take the High Road – Act in your highest possible way; a way that you wonât regret later. Itâs difficult, and itâs a lonely place, so reach out to people whoâll help you stay on the high road, not to people whoâll keep you spinning in negativity. Youâll benefit by professional help. I did.
Know Whatâs Yours and Whatâs Not – Because there are two or more people involved, and youâre only in control of one of them, you have to know whatâs yours, and whatâs not.
– What youâve contributed to the issue,
– What your responsibility is to yourself and the other person,
– and what you need to do about that part.
The rest is theirs, and you have no control over that, but I guarantee you if you spend your energy fixing yourself, youâll be miles ahead in your relationship potential. Often when you fix your thinking, and the problems fix themselves. So thereâs your Work. Fix your own thinking, take responsibility for your part, be humble and vulnerable. Try to see it from all peopleâs perspectives, and allow others the freedom to have their own viewpoint. Their viewpoint is not right or wrong âŠ It just is what it is. Let go of the need to control others, and do your own Work.
When in conversation about the conflict or issues, rather than defending yourself, (you donât need to defend who you on the high road), listen to the other person(s) and let you know you heard them. Donât judge. Youâll never be perfect and neither will others. Donât make people wrong. As long as youâre making people wrong, there can be no connected relationship.
Have Faith – I learned while going through some tough years of being disconnected from someone so extremely important to me, to stop holding on so tight. Someone suggested that I let it go so that God could pick it up. I never forgot that. That became my Work. Having faith that if I held the intention of what I wanted, and let go of the need to control the timing, that it would happen just the way itâs supposed to.
And so I did, and it was hard, and I waited a long time, and I loved anyway, and I shared my most painful emotions with my closest circle of people, and I cried and yearned for things to be better but it took what seemed like an eternity of waiting. In those times I learned about the fragility of relationships. Of how quickly something so sweet could go sour, and I wept, but I also grew. I expanded and I became stronger and more resilient. Today, I have that person back in my life, and heâs precious like the greatest most fragile and valuable gift in the world. Have faith!
You canât always mend a broken relationship, but thereâs no such thing as a failed one if you learn the lessons from the tumultuous times. Find your lessons. Whether its workplace or business relationships, family or friends, cherish what you have and when sweet relationships go sour, take the high road, know whatâs yours and have faith. If I can help, it would be my absolute pleasure because sweet relationships are worth investing in.
Remember, your greatest leadership day is with Penny Tremblay!Â 705-358-3396
Visualize Your Dreams – Card Making Activity
In this vision card, free activity we’ll create individual collages representing long-term personal, educational and career goal setting. Every DREAM CARD is different and may have images and words representing different life areas.
Consider the following aspects of your life:
- Hobbies / Toys
- Job / Contribution
- Your WHY
- Giving Back
- Other âŠ
Search for images on the internet or snap photos of the items youâd like to attract into your life. Place the images on a card using your card sending account. If you donât have one, text me for a complimentary code to send two free greeting cards with postage paid. 705-358-3396
Personally, I position Spiritual image(s) in the middle of my vision card or vision board. Spirituality is the core of my being, so I put it in the middle of everything else. I also put Relationships in the top right corner, because that is the highest point and starting point of my circle. I group images together that represent the aspects of life that are important to me, moving clockwise around the canvass.
Mail the card to yourself or make it a campaign and send a copy to the people that matter to you, your up-line and /or accountability partner.
Keep your DREAM CARD in your view.
When you look at it, feel the feeling of having life the way you are designing it.
Donât underestimate the visions and feelings of having them, of what you want in life. Youâll be amazed at how this tool works when you have high intention, and low attachment to the results.
Call me if you have any questions, or to bring this workshop activity to your group.
Businesses and organizations need a Strategic Plan to guide them through the wide range of possibilities and reign in their employees to align with one main focus.Â View our Strategic Planning facilitation service.
I’ve been basking in gratitude this week for all that I have, including the people in my life, and in my business.Â I feel so blessed to have great clients.
Yesterday I had a request from an international journal to re-run an article that I’d written for them years ago, because they feel it’s still so relevant to success. It too is about gratitude, specifically by thanking customers.Â Although it’s written for a certain industry, it’s relevant to all.
Here’s the article download.Â Read, do, and be rich in stronger more profitable relationships.
Some people believe that business passion affects marriage. As businesswomen, we may feel that we have to make a choice between our love for our marriages and families and the passion that fuels our entrepreneurial spirits!
What makes this business dilemma more difficult for women than men goes back thousands of years, but times are changing, and so are the needs of both partners.
You can have all the love and passion that you want with the strategy revealed in a short interview with Teresa Ball, a vibrant and loving entrepreneur, wife and mom to many.
Our balance sheet isn’t always defined by the numbers on a ledger. As an entrepreneur, Teresa has a great lesson for all womenâespecially those feeling challenged by their spousesâabout the businesses they’re in love with.
I met Teresa at a large convention in Salt Lake City when she purchased my book, Give and Be Rich. Her story of love and passion brought tears to my eyes, and I knew it needed to be shared, and shared by those I shared it with, and those they shared it with, and so on.
There are many women who deal with unsupportive spouses and families that feel ignored or less important than the businesses that their moms are so passionate about.
Many of these womenâs spouses feel burdened by changes in their day-to-day responsibilities, threatened by a partner who travels or meets with the opposite sex, or insecure about having a significant other become more successful than them.
It seems that as we are building or expanding our businesses, the relationships in our lives shift. It can be a difficult time as you try to protect your passion for your business and stand up for who you are and what you do, while butting heads with some of the fears and insecurities that drive typical family bonds.
This is a dangerous zone to be moving through. With good communication and lots of extra âactionâ, youâll be able to have your love and your passion on a whole new level.
Listen to find out how Teresa Ball from Rossville, Georgia and her husband, Paul, worked through it.
Give and Be Rich in Love and Passion, business passion affects marriage but working together at it, you can have it all!
Other articles like this: Love is a Verb
Download the Free Offer short interview with Teresa Ball.
Having coffee with an influential woman in my life the other day had some food for thought tossed on the table. She said that people see me as ânear perfectâ, and that it could possibly hold them back from connecting. I was surprised to hear this feedback, because I have a messy life, but it wasnât the first time Iâd heard it.
Several years ago I was working with a Spiritual teacher in California on an exercise around intimacy (meaning allowing people to see into me, into-me-see). I failed the exercise miserably. The teacher said, âI agree. When you show up, youâre still ten steps back, and although magnificent from there, people canât feel you.â I was shocked by this feedback, and remember sleeping like a baby that night (went to bed early, cried all night, woke up early crying some more). I was a mess to learn this about myself, but it was true, and I grew from it.
Up until that time, Iâd mastered the art of allowing people to see what I wanted them to see. With the outer mask and energetic wall Iâd erected, my image seemed to be quite controllable. Or at least thatâs what I thought, until I realized the huge cost for masks and walls. The cost gets paid in connection, or lack of connection. People couldnât get in, and I couldnât get out.
A common example of masks is seen in all media. Social media posts have people staging their best photos, best times and put their best announcements up for all to see, which masks the big picture of their life. Print media and magazine images are touched up, teeth are whitened, blemishes removed etc. etc.
Another example of masking is noticeable in the workplace. People wear masks to seem perfect in their roles or attain promotions. They dress the part, and presto! They feel like theyâre half way there, but it doesnât take long for those who work with them to get the âreal readâ, because we canât hide our energy.
The most important question I think we need to ask is âWhatâs wrong with messy?â Or whatâs wrong with real, authentic, genuine ways of being, of which imperfection is big part? Ego isnât nearly as attractive as authenticity, intimacy and vulnerability. Take off the masks, and tear down the walls, and let people feel the real deal.
I want to ask anyone who hasnât reached out to me because they thought I was unapproachable, or they couldnât feel me, to try again. My life is messy. Itâs nowhere near âperfectâ, thank God! Perfect is way too much work. The verb (to perfect) is good planning and good use of our time, but we all have âstuffâ. If youâre looking at someone who seems better than you are in some way, just remember that you are only seeing the surface. You have no idea whatâs really going on, and how messy oneâs life can be, nor does it even matter. Comparison is the thief of joy. Donât let your joy be stolen by the idea that someone else has a near-perfect life. We are all on this earth for growth, and we grow most during the tough times.
I now celebrate the messes in my life because without them I wouldn’t be able to inspire others with my own experiences. My toughest lessons have brought me wisdom, humility, strength and made me more able to relate to others. If I could wave my magic wand I wouldn’t change my past. Thereâs some very important relationships that I wish were better, but the messiness is part of who I am, where I’m going and how I can serve people in the future.
The best way to enrich our lives is to accept and love ourselves, and hope to get messy often enough.
Here’s a fitting testimonial: If I could offer a suggestionâŠalthough your site is very informative and pleasing to the eyeâŠ.I was initially a little concerned your approach may be more of a business/corporate styleâŠ.but you are very personal and intimate and genuine in your style and I think that should be somehow represented on your site so folks realize you can and will do small groups; specifically First Nations groups as your style is very fitting for our People and donât be reluctant to draw on that and target First Peoples agencies and organizations.Â You have left a lasting impression and your mentors and teachers have nothing on youâŠ..your style is infectious and unique unto you!Â Â Be well,Â J. Mattson
âUntil death do we partâ is etched in my mind as a popular wedding vow.Â Lately, however, Iâve been thinking about how death or tragedy brings people together.Â The sharing of loss, grief and compassion has family members dropping the things that would normally keep them too busy to connect so that they can show up to support one another.Â The deeper question I have is why do we wait?Â Why does it take a tragedy to put the first things first in our lives, whichâfor most peopleâare relationships?
Even a minor shift in a relationship piques my interest in this subject.Â I recently heard news of a talented businessman leaving our community and felt an urgent need to connect with him.Â I wanted to ensure that our relationship doesnât end.Â Heâs valuable to me.Â I feel I have as much to offer him as he has to offer me. âWhy did I wait?â I asked myself.
If you took your last breath upon retiring to bed tonight, would it all be said?Â Would those you love and care about know how you feel?Â Would the strained relationships in your life become resolved? More importantly, would you feel complete with those who really matter to you?
My partner Matt received a phone call about a month ago with sad news of his step-fatherâs passing. Mattâs mom had left his stepfather at home while she ran a daily errand, only to come home 45 minutes later to find him laying on the floor.Â He had passed away very suddenly and with no warning.Â Matt spent a few hours with his mom and the body of his stepdad before the coroner took him away.Â It was in those moments that Matt was able to say a few things that heâd been wanting to say for many years.
When we see someone, we never know if it will be for the last time; yet if we think about how weâd leave things with that personâjust in case it is the last timeâweâd respond and communicate from a deeper place of love and acceptance instead of judgment and criticism.Â Itâs not just the person weâre losing that we connect with in a time of tragedy.Â We rekindle, resolve and reconnect with other members of our family or community with whom weâve grown apart from because we realize that the human needs of support and compassion that we can give far outweigh our own selfish battles of ego, being right, being accepted, or being treated a certain way.Â Why donât we just default to love, support and compassion?
Things that matter most shouldnât be at the mercy of things that matter least.Â In the end, relationships matter most, so why wait?Â Weâre not too busy when there is a tragedy to drop everything and go to support the people that matter, so why donât we make time to nurture the needs of relationships that matter even in the absence of tragedy?
Iâm sharing this personal experience to help in the healing of mothers and children, as we celebrate Motherâs Day.
Early this morning I sat in a deep meditation, inviting wisdom from spiritual sources; some who are alive and some that have passed.Â In the center of my circle of wisdom keepers and seekers, a fire burned and the intention was set for healing, clarity and wisdom about being a Mom, and/or a daughter/son.
It was known that we can be called to duty because weâve got gifts to give.Â The Creator, God, has a divine plan for us, and the duties sometimes seem unfair, but weâre given tasks because of our capabilities to perform them best.
Sometimes as Motherâs, we need to make difficult choices to save ourselves that seem to interrupt the flow or the comfort of our children or families.Â Being a Mom / child is just a part of who we are, and taking care of the other parts of who we are critical to our inner peace.Â These choices can cause upset for our children or parents, they will grow through the struggles.Â The bond of love between a mother and child is unbreakable at a soul level.Â Our job as Motherâs is to love our children.Â It is not their job to love us back.Â It is their job to find their way amidst the obstacles of life, and we must allow them to explore.Â There is a lot of time in the future to allow the bonds of love between parent and child to be fulfilling.
I was reminded that well beyond this lifetime, there are many other lives to live out, and we choose people long before we came into this life to live with and learn some of our toughest lessons, which strengthen us for this and future lives.
We have choices to make about the company we keep.Â At times, those choices divide families, where alternatively, we could continue a life of stifling our own spirit, to maintain the connection.Â Either way, thereâs a cost.Â The question is, what result do we seek, and are we willing to pay the appropriate price.
It was suggested to love our partners, for the relationship long outlives the term we are parents.Â Children pass through our lives, partnerships are something we crave long-term, and shouldnât be at the mercy of parenting.Â Thereâs always a regret when weâve lost a partner, that we could have invested more love, more time.
Although the search for true happiness and completion will never end, we must enjoy the journey while we continue to live curiously through each day, soaking up every moment with a sense of gratitude for what each moment brings.Â This is possible and amplified with a Spiritual connection.Â With a connection to our higher power that we truly believe in and nurture daily, we realize that life is far more than our role as mothers or children.Â Spiritually connected and in tune, we know that the core of our being we are loved through all our imperfections, we are enough and that we are never ever alone.
Happy Mother’s Day!
Being among family can be more demanding of our emotional capacity than anything else.Â You can choose your friends, but family is chosen for us, and the bond runs deep whether relations are good or not good. Tolerance is an asset.
Be the Gift this year.Â Be tolerant of others.Â Be the one who can mingle in family time without judgment.Â Accept people for who they are, or who they are not.
Be aware of your intolerant thoughtsÂ about people, places or things.Â If thoughts of resentment, jealousy, judgment or self pity back come up, redirect them back toward your own peace as if they are light beams that are yours, and being chosen to keep for their brilliant energy.Â Call it back to you, and convert it to light, bright goodness so that it can be medicine for your own mind, body and spirit.
Other people’s issues aren’t our problem to solve.Â They’ve got their own struggles and we have ours.Â If we were supposed to be dealing with their struggles, it would feel right.Â But it feels off, which is our internal guidance system telling us to focus elsewhere.
This is a very short Holiday greeting, because I know youâre busy and heading into the most intensive seasons of the year.Â A time when youâll be with family, and those that matter most to you, and for some, a time when you can only wish you could be with someone special who isnât there.Â Be Tolerant â and Be Rich in peace, love and joy.
The other day I sat in a circle discussion led by my partner Matt Thorpe, addressing a group of youth at the Atikokan Native Friendship Centre, on the topic ofÂ alcohol and drugs and the road of substance abuse, crime and violence versus the alternative; sobriety and living honestly at the top of your game.
One young fellow mentioned that he had some great experiences including attend a conference of Chiefs, and a private conversation with one of them because he had asked to participate and asked for the private meeting as well.Â We shared about the power of just asking.Â Ask for what you need.Â Ask for what you want.Â Ask for someone to include you in something youâd like to be a part of.Â Keep on asking people for the things you want.
Many people donât ask.Â Instead they assume that all the things theyâd ask for arenât achievable, or attainable, or they’re somehow not worthy.
I wrote a piece of wisdom in my recent book Give and Be Rich, about asking, where A.S.K. is an acronym for Assertiveness, Skills and Knowledge.Â Be assertive to obtain the skills and knowledge that you need.Â People love to give their knowledge.Â People love when you show an interest in what they’re up to.Â Youâll be surprised at the result when youÂ do ask, because the worst answer you could receive back is a NO, which leaves you no further behind where you were when you asked.Â So you have nothing to lose, and lots to gain by asking.
On the way home from that circle discussion, I got pulled over by the OPP.Â I wasnât paying attention to my speed, and I was about to get a ticket.Â So I asked!Â I asked if there would be a possibility that the officer would give me a break because I’m trying to clean up my driving record and lessen my insurance costs.Â Iâm so glad I asked and that the lesson of asking was at the top of my mind, so I am paying it forward.Â Just Ask!
What will YOU ask for?
Perhaps a more personal topic than I usually write, this one is too close to home having just attended the funeral of my partnerâs 31 year old nephew, and knowing the story of alcoholism that took over his better judgment. Iâm struggling with why not to write this, why not help other families, why not change even just one person who reads this.
Army was his name.Â Drinking and drugging became his answer to something.Â It got a hold of him, the cunning, baffling and powerful obsession slowly made the decisions for him that would result in his parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and friends saying good bye to a young man whoâs organs became the victim to an incurable disease â alcoholism.
Now just for a moment, imagine that was your family member.Â Your son, grandson, nephew, brother, cousin or friend.Â Just see the people that you love that you know are users of substance, maybe even yourself, and let that thought really sink into your mind, so you can feel the feeling of loss.
This isnât a judgment of how otherâs spend their time, money, or find answers to their deepest questions or challenges.Â This is a message that there is another way.Â There is a road to recovery.Â There is an honesty that is required, for people to dig deep into, to find out why they do what they do, what the risks are, and how alcoholism affects families.
In my past two years of workplace relationships, resolution and reconciliation services, Iâve heard hundreds of personal stories by people affected by alcohol in their families, stories hidden deep down because alcohol wasnât a topic to mention.Â Painful stories of people unaware of how their drinking or another generations drinking affected them, revealing experiences Â created by the undercurrent that alcoholic families have running, but no-oneâs talking about.Â This has to stop.Â We need to vent.Â We need to speak up and encourage those hurting to speak out about how weâre all affected.
Iâve experienced this personally in my relationships too.Â Iâve been one to party regularly, and luckily managed to escape the powerful grip that substance has on others.Â As I look back, Iâm concerned for our youth.Â What example do we set for them when theyâre little and learning about life?Â Children learn with they live.Â What do they continue to see and experience with other adult influences in their lives outside our control?Â And are we talking with them about it?Â Â Are we living the example that we hope our youth model in their later years?
Iâve always said that whatever the question, love is the answer.Â So many people numb the feeling of not being loved.Â Not being enough, not being seen, not being acknowledged.Â Being abandoned.Â Being abused.Â Being lied to, cheated on.Â The list is long âŠ We need to express our love with words.Â We need to express our challenges with those weâve grown up with using conversation to talk about things, and not hide in the fear of having difficult discussions for our own healing.Â Weâve got to be vulnerable enough to share honest thoughts, feelings and experiences.Â This is the answer that our soul seeks most.Â Alcohol and drugs are a cover up for the real answer. It just so happens that the numbing affect of alcohol and drugs wear off, and in the constant need for more, our bodies and relationships are strained and broken.
This article is dedicated to the life of Armond Jr. Thorpe to carry on his legacy by empowering people to create one conversation at a time, to help heal those who think theyâve found the answer.Â If you need help creating conversations, Iâm willing to help.Â Contact me personally.