Speed Wobbles

Honouring Ourselves Through Misalignment

As I was driving out to a meeting one dark and snowy evening at a speed of 90 km/h, my Jeep Wrangler, “Ruby”, began to wobble. I became nervous because she’d never done that before, and I was afraid of her breaking down completely on this cold night. I slowed down, geared down and she steadied. Whew! I drove further for a few kilometers and sped up again to reach the speed limit, and again Ruby began to wobble, so I had to shift back down and continue at a much slower pace.

Traffic was on my tail, impatiently swerving to find an opportunity to pass me. I began to feel the pressure of the other drivers’ impatience, and I acknowledged the responsibility I was feeling because of it, even though a slower, steadier pace was right for me at the time. I also found it very hard to watch others pass me, like a transport did as we climbed uphill—“OMG, are you kidding me?!”—while I was slow but steady. Others were passing me by and it was bugging me.

I graciously learned two lessons from the speed wobbles that I’d like to share with you.

The first has to do with the concept of moving slower than the posted speed limit. Sometimes, the standards set by others don’t suit us in our current situation or circumstances, and it’s okay to slow down or produce below those standards so we can remain in motion, but in a steady fashion. Better than maintaining an unsafe speed and crashing! Slow and steady can still win the race. This is true in many aspects of our lives: our spiritual, mental and physical health; our relationships at home and at work; our finances, careers and education. There’s a desired pace and then there’s our pace. They don’t always align. Sometimes we may have to be, do, or have less to accomplish more in the end.

Sometimes we have to allow others to move ahead of us, let them lead us, take care of us, or eat their dust while we regain our balance, but we’ll catch up. It’s not necessarily about ‘time’, but more about ‘timing’. Although we don’t want to wait for anything anymore, we certainly don’t want to watch our family, friends, and colleagues move ahead without us any more than we want to slow them down.

The second lesson I learned from the speed wobbles was how I was affected under the pressures of others’ impatience with my slow pace. What makes their pace more important to me than my needs? Why do I allow the pressures of others to cause me stress when I’ve willingly or unwillingly chosen slow and steady as my temporary path? We honour ourselves by considering our needs before the needs of others, especially when we’re wobbling—a sign that we’re out of alignment. We need to focus our concern on our own need to heal, balance or realign, and not concern ourselves about what others think. They’ll understand and respect us for respecting ourselves. We just need to be honest, vulnerable, and able to talk about these things to those who may show impatience to us. If it’s a passing vehicle giving you the finger—well, that’s where they’re at, not where you’re at, so let them keep their frustration, and you keep your confidence.

Slower than standard is not a place to stay, but sometimes we need to back off or gear down from a pace that’s not right for us so that we can realign and rejoin the race and pace of champions. Don’t ever be afraid to take speed for a road test. There may not be any wobbles at all.

Who would have thought there’d be such rich lessons in the speed wobbles?

Need a speed test,  tune up or check up?  Call an expert.  Call me!  You can be sure that I’ll help you or the whole team gain a steady pace.

Dedicated to Rachel W. and Cheryl V. You’ve both inspired me tremendously.

The Key to Staying Committed

I once heard a great statement from the CEO of the Union of Ontario Indians.  While speaking to his team about staying committed he said, “If I’m not doing my job, please let me know, but don’t let it stop you from doing your job.”  I will always remember this piece of wisdom, and I’ve shared it with so many audiences since.

People resonate with this because they form teams, agreements, pacts, set goals or create dreams together, but if someone falls out of commitment, sometimes everyone comes to a halt, blames those who quit and remain frustrated failures at what they had committed to.

I’d say this scenario is a reasonable excuse to quit, give up, or return to the status quo.  People often don’t realize the underlying reasons they have for buying into others’ lack of commitment, but they are definitely getting something out of it, for example, it’s a good excuse to not put in your best effort because others aren’t.

Twice this week, I chatted with clients who’ve been challenged with the commitment of a team. A community leader spoke of his disappointment in a group that had a great idea and implemented it, but after a few roadblocks, people started wavering on their commitments, and the project fell apart.  I suggested to the leader that he not quit.  Others may quit, but that doesn’t mean he has to.  His satisfaction should not be at the mercy of other people’s decisions.

Another commitment conversation I had was with a group of First Nation Youths who had been fundraising for a trip to explore the West coast of Canada,  when some of their adult resources hadn’t honoured a commitment.  I told the youths that this was the time for them to step up, take the lead, and win that race.

If we let others determine our destiny, we will most often be disappointed.

When helping a team stay committed, you can hold people accountable, but in order to be in the place of doing so, you’ve got to be holding up your end of the agreement, too.

Commitment is continuing to do what you’ve said you’d do,
long after the feeling you had when you made the commitment has gone.

Commitment is not a feeling.  It’s a decision!

If you’ve been married or in a long-term relationship, you can certainly relate to that definition of commitment.  I’ve learned that when you fear someone is not remaining committed, you can stay committed regardless.  I didn’t learn it the first time around, but I’m learning it now.  My soul knows when I am all in, and I feel steady despite any wavering of others.

The key to staying committed is to not quit.  Try this statement over and over again.

I commit … I will not quit!
I commit … I will not quit!
I commit … I will not quit!

Your satisfaction depends on you, and no-one else.

p.s.  As a follow up to the group of First Nations Youth fundraising for a trip to Vancouver, they re-committed yesterday despite the low funds raised, NOT TO QUIT.  They have a dream, to explore another part of the country and to prove to themselves and their community that anything is possible with commitment.  If you’d like to read about their progress or help out, check out their CBC news coverage.

Rejection is a Great Gift

How can rejection be a great gift? I’m going to tell you but first, a quick example.

In May 2014, my book Give and Be Rich was published and made available for purchase through bookstores, my website, and speaking engagements. One additional avenue for distribution that I have keenly sought ever since is a greeting card and gifting service called SendOutCards. This is a vision I’ve had since long before the book was published; it’s something I’ve asked for hundreds of times in person and in prayer. I have endured the rejection of my requests, yet I’ve kept on asking.

I’ve recently received news that my patience and perseverance have been rewarded!  SendOutCards will make Give and Be Rich available as a gift to be shipped with a card to anywhere in the world—a dream come true for me! Thousands of customers and distributors use this service to send appreciation and build both relationships and business by reaching out in kindness—a philosophy that compliments Give and Be Rich perfectly. My distribution channels have just multiplied by the thousands.

So what does this mean to you?

How many times do you ask for something in business or in life without receiving a favorable response?

Maybe you’re asking for a prospect to take a look at your product or service.
Maybe you’re asking for a client to come on board and trust that you’re capable to help them get what they want.
Maybe you’re working in an office and asking colleagues to trust in you or your potential. Maybe you want a new job or promotion.
Maybe there’s someone or something in your personal life that you want to have or be a certain way. In any case, you may not get the favorable answer you’re looking for the first time you ask—or the second, third, fourth, fifth, or sixth time, but you get my point here: never give up on your dreams! Rejection can be your greatest gift.

If what you’re chasing is worth it for you, and if you really want it that much, push through the rejection! Persist. Don’t give up. Don’t let your fear of being rejected stand in the way of staying true to all that you desire. This may be a challenge, so reach out for help when necessary.

Make what you want more prevalent in your mind than how you feel at the time of rejection or loss. Stay focused on your goal.

Here are the most important lessons I’ve learned from receiving a ‘yes’ after hearing ‘no’ so many times:

When I experience rejection, my emotions act first, telling me that “I’m not good enough, worthy, as talented as others, or capable of being and playing at the top of my field.” This is all just FEAR—False Experiences Appearing Real.

After allowing my emotions to subside, I can revisit and assess the situation more clearly from all angles—especially in areas where I can take responsibility for creating a new circumstance. I can use this as an opportunity to grow, learn, and refine my inner beliefs and the skills required to become better.

When I act based on a clearer understanding of the situation, I am able to dig deeper and find better and more creative solutions than I could the first time around, resulting in a win-win outcome for everyone involved.  What a gift!

Here’s a challenge for you to put past rejection to work in your personal development.

Step 1: Think about a time when you faced rejection that you haven’t yet resolved in a positive way. Reexamine the details of the rejection to form a clearer perspective of all factors of the situation.

Step 2: Figure out what you can do to grow, learn, and refine areas of your life or career so that the rejection ends up being a step up for you. Remind yourself of your desired end result—your goal or dream—by putting it in writing or placing a note on your vision board to see the result manifesting itself before your eyes. Believe that it’s possible.

Step 3: Take action again. Ask again. Attempt to do so from a more creative angle than the last time you tried. Bring your new and improved self to the table. Repeat as necessary.

May you create abundance for yourself over this holiday season and into the new year, may your dreams be more prevalent in your mind than how you feel at the time of rejection or loss and may rejection be turned into a great gift for you.

Happy and safe holidays to all,

leadership training

 

Another useful link about rejection: http://ideas.ted.com

Agitation

I recently encountered a metaphor for agitation and its effect on relationships.

I was hand washing some delicate garments the other day.  As the warm water soaked my fine clothing, I added some mild detergent and began to agitate the water with my hand to begin the cleaning process.

I started thinking about the act of agitation, and how—in relationships with ourselves and others—agitated feelings and conversations are uncomfortable.  Yet, similar to doing laundry, we won’t get the same clean result without the agitation.

The word ‘agitate’ comes from a Latin derivative agitare, which means “to set into motion”.  Today’s definition is “to disturb or excite emotionally, arouse, or perturb”.

We create stories for ourselves based on our past experiences with feelings such as fear, guilt, shame, resentment, and anger.  Our attachment to these stories blocks us from seeing what we really need to see, and from the real truth and wisdom of being ourselves in every moment.  To become free and clear, we need a driving force to set ourselves into motion.  We need issues of the past to be shaken up, rattled around, and detached from who we really are.  We need agitation to set into motion the dirt we carry and clean it off, providing us with a fresh start.  And we need it more often than many are willing to endure.

We don’t just add water and soap to our dirty laundry, though.  There’s always some scrubbing required to achieve the squeakiest clean.  Sounds simple enough, but it’s not always so easy.  Not everyone is willing to handle the discomfort of the agitation process.  We need to be able to move past such discomfort and allow the cleansing process to rid us of the unclean, impure, or unnecessary.

Give yourself permission to be discomforted by agitation from time to time.  Don’t be afraid to agitate your situation to shake free anything that holds you back.

leadership training

Three Tips toward Freedom

I’ve been inspired by the freedom I’ve created in my life, and the freedom that others have created for themselves. After a half-day of coaching, my partner and I returned to our office and rested a while. We sat in our lounge chairs on the dock, in 27-degree, sunny weather with a beautiful wind coming across the lake, and watched as an eagle flew by. Now that is freedom!

Do you have enough freedom? If you don’t, you’ll get three freedom-inspiring ideas from this short message.

Freedom comes in many forms. Freedom of time, money and mobility are a few at the top of my list of desires. Freedom from poor relationships, substance abuse, negative thinking or the control of other people are a few more, and the list goes on. Here are three tips to help free you.

Tip #1. Decide what freedom means to you, and get specific.

I remember doing an activity in 2010 when I wrote and read daily a diary entry titled “A Day in the Life of Penny Tremblay, 2015”. It was a daydream that I created for myself five years from that time. I wrote down every single detail of the dream on lined paper, including the people I saw myself with, the things I spent my time doing, and the assets I had to fulfill those things. This activity represented a conscious decision to achieve the freedom I wanted in 2015, and I’ve pretty much made it all happen with a few months to spare. Some of the players and details are a bit different than I’d imagined, but I’ve been open and trusted that I was getting what I needed—not just what I wanted—and it all came together, all because I decided and clarified what I wanted.

Tip #2. Surround yourself with highly successful people.

Reaching the pinnacle of freedom is going to require doing the right things. Hang out with people who are more accomplished in what you want to do. Success rubs off. As Jack Canfield taught me, you can’t stick your hand into a bucket of paint without getting some on you, so dip into the things that other people have that you want more of. If you want to be a millionaire, hang out with millionaires. If you want to be a pro athlete, hang out with pro athletes. If you want to be successful in business, hang out with those who are already there.

On the flip side, stop dipping into the things that other people have which you don’t want. For example, stop hanging around the gossip group. Stop buying into or participating in the negativity of your environment. Choose to opt out of it. Move on to different people.

How much time have you spent in the last week with people who already have what you want?   Hopefully your answer is at least a couple of hours.

Tip #3. Know what’s holding you back.

The difference between where you are now and where you could be once you’ve found your freedom is likely in your thought process. Limiting beliefs such as “I have to work hard for my money”, “Money doesn’t grow on trees” and “I could never afford that” have been taught to us, but they’re not always true. You can create your own truth. Sometimes you have to take a leap of faith out of the known, and into the unknown trusting that your freedom lies somewhere that you just can’t see yet.

Love your work and you’ll never have to work a day in your life.

I’ve just returned from a conference where I rubbed shoulders with multimillionaires—people who have incredible freedom of time, money and mobility. They’re the leaders in one of my businesses. I learned that the number one commodity in the world right now is supplementary income. Everyone wants more money, which makes sense, but what makes even more sense to me is creating the wealth in a way that doesn’t hold one back from living each and every day the way they want. It’s possible! I’m working on it and making great progress. Ask me how, and I’ll bring you in on my success strategy.

There you have it: three tips to freedom. Best wishes for eagles, water, wind and rest, or whatever freedoms you desire.

Giving Just to Give

The first chapter of my book, Give and Be Rich, is titled “Giving Simply to Give”. Its premise seems simple: just give for the sake of giving. But it’s not as easy as it sounds.

I remember trick-or-treating on Halloween many, many moons ago, and the time that a man tricked instead of treated. He would place a full-sized Eat-More chocolate bar deep into trick-or-treaters’ candy bags with one hand, and then, as they were leaving, tug on an invisible string with the other hand and pull the candy bar back out. Most kids didn’t notice, but I did, and smiled at him to let him know that I was onto his trick. More recently, a teacher of mine from California used the term ‘sticky giving’ to represent the concept of giving with expectations or conditions, which resonated with me and reminded me of this Halloween experience. Sticky giving, for sure.

Sticky giving, or giving with conditions—whatever you choose to call it—is the act of giving to someone with an expected result and not simply for the sake of giving. In workplace relationships, we may give someone some extra help to fulfill our own hidden agenda of being noticed or praised. We may also wonder why colleagues don’t give back to us in the same way we’d give to them. In both of these scenarios, we are giving with conditions.

Here’s an excerpt from Give and Be Rich:

Giving unconditionally is key. If we simply give without the expectation of receiving anything in return, we are giving properly. Many people, however, give with conditions attached. They have an underlying motivation for giving; one common motivation is recognition, another is control. This is our ego working, wanting to be right, wanting to be noticed, wanting to protect us from being vulnerable. I believe that the hearts that give – in any capacity and without any expectation of return or favor – will be the most richly blessed. Furthermore, when we give in secrecy or anonymity, we receive in greater abundance. Give without the expectation of receiving anything in return. When you give with the intention of getting something back, you just don’t make the same impact.

Having written the book on giving, and having lived through some tough life lessons since its publication, I’m visiting this concept again. Even I have a hard time giving without conditions, especially in situations when my emotions are running high or my own insecurities are flaring up, causing me to speculate why someone I’ve given to won’t acknowledge my generosity or fully receive my gift.

There are some deeper questions we can ask ourselves about our attachments to giving with conditions. If you’re disappointed in the response you get from giving to someone, or if you feel the need to shout from the rooftops about your generosity, give yourself some time to really contemplate the following.  Ask yourself:

Why do I need other’s acknowledgement?

Why do I need other’s recognition?

Why do I need to be right?

Why do I need to be noticed?

Why do I need to protect myself from vulnerability?

As for other’s behaviour, I have two comments. First, know what’s yours and what’s not yours in situations where others are involved. When you give to them, that act of giving belongs to you. How they choose to respond belongs to them. Focus on what’s yours, and let go of what belongs to others. Maintain your energy for your own gain, and put it to good use within, rather than trying to control and change others.

Second, people do the best with what they know. They have a certain set of tools, and use them with the skills they’ve developed—or not developed. If someone’s unwilling to receive what you give them, or not mannered enough to acknowledge it or respond appropriately, understand that this is just where they’re at. Their reaction doesn’t represent where you’re at or what you deserve.

You can thank yourself for giving gifts that others don’t thank you for. You may also decide to put your energies elsewhere the next time you’re feeling generous. For every action or no action, there is a consequence or a choice of something new.

The hearts that give without any expectation of return or favour will be the most richly blessed.  Simple, but not easy.

Best wishes for unconditional giving,

 

Penny

 

* The third chapter of Give and Be Rich is about giving to yourself. Giving and growing rich is an inside job. What if we could just love ourselves enough, and give ourselves away in service to others? What if we just loved ourselves unconditionally? Acknowledged ourselves, recognized ourselves and allowed ourselves to be vulnerable? We wouldn’t need it from any other source—except, perhaps, a divine source such as a Creator, God, Buddah, or whatever you choose to name it. In that sense, our backs are always covered.

Declutter Your Inner Emotional Baggage

Two weeks ago, a very special couple asked me to help them prepare for a yard sale by sorting through the contents of two storage units they had filled after downsizing from their large urban home to a smaller pad in beautiful Prince Edward County.  My daughter was working in the area, at a Bakery and Café in Picton, so I accepted the couple’s challenge and spent a few days going through boxes and boxes of stuff.

All this ‘stuff’ got me thinking about inner ‘stuff’ and emotional ‘stuff’ we hold on to which creates clutter in our lives, workplaces, bodies and relationships.  So I’ve dedicated this month’s article to decluttering the emotional baggage that most people have stored—some for decades—preventing us from really connecting with ourselves, and creating conflict with the people that matter to us, and those we have to work with.

Imagine you’re taking a look inside your mind.  It’s dark, so you lift an imaginary lid on the top of your head and shine a flashlight inside.  “OMG! Where did all this stuff come from?” you ask yourself.  It’s like Grandma’s attic, with cobwebs and dust, trunks locked up tight, boxes stacked high, and suitcases filled with stuff.

Now that you’ve seen the clutter inside your own head, turning off the flashlight won’t make you any less aware of it, so leave the light of awareness turned on to this emotional baggage from your past.  You actually bring this baggage with you where ever you go and it creates a degree of disconnect in relationships with your colleagues, your family, and yourself.  But what’s in those boxes, trunks and suitcases?  Past resentments, things unsaid, conflicts unresolved, lack of integrity and authenticity, untruths, and other awful things.  Yikes!  Isn’t that terrifying?

The good news is that these things all belong to you, which means that you can start cleaning them up immediately.

Emotional baggage can be unpacked, sorted, organized and cleared out just like material items in your home.  Things given to you by your parents that don’t seem to be yielding great relationships can be grouped together to be dealt with. Burdens that aren’t yours but you carry them as if they were, can be given back to their rightful owners.  The things you thought you had dealt with but keep coming between you and others can be put into the “deal with once and for all” pile, and the missing parts of you that you gave to someone else can be noted for a time in the near future when you can take your pieces back, and become whole again.

Decluttering requires an awareness of how this stuff is showing up in our lives, a willingness to reflect on where it comes from, and the courage to stand up and deal with it.  If all you can do is become aware of how your emotional clutter is affecting your relationships, that’s a great start.  Our professional services can get you and your work team to a clearing that even seems impossible.

If you prefer to leave the clutter alone and display it publicly—like at a yard sale—don’t be surprised when people buy into your junk.  If you’re wondering how to manage the people that get caught up in your stuff at work or in your personal life, just clean up your clutter and there won’t be much for them to get entangled with.

 

The Cost of Authenticity

Authenticity is one of the highest-rated leadership skills, along with integrity, responsibility and commitment. Today we know that to be authentic is to be genuine, but the origin of the word ‘authentic’ dates back to the Greek word authtentes, which means “acting on one’s own authority”.

To be acting on one’s own authority, we need to know our genuine selves, including our values, morals and principles; what excites us; the boundaries we set around our behavior; and how we allow the behavior of others to affect us. Discovering the answers to these essential questions allows us to further discover our authentic selves.

I’ve often pondered the difference between authenticity and integrity. They both seem to go hand-in-hand, so my mind confuses the two. Integrity can be defined as an honesty and soundness of morals and character. We describe a weak building as having its structural integrity compromised; likewise, when we have integrity, we are strong and sound in what we say, feel and know we are. Integrity requires honesty, yet to be honest we need to know our authentic, genuine selves first.

To be genuine, honest and expressive can create tumultuous times. This is the cost that we sometimes must pay for speaking and living our own truths, and compared to the alternative—withholding or avoiding the truth, living a false identity and creating self-resentment—this cost is more than worth paying.

The cost of authenticity can be unknown when we make authentic decisions and hold authentic conversations, and it can be very substantial. Take, for example, a woman I know who chose to leave a disconnected marriage. Of her three children whom her decision affected, two chose to side with the woman’s ex-husband and break off their relationships with her. Was the huge cost of her decision worth it? Ultimately, that’s up to the woman to decide and weigh against the other outcome of a life lived dishonestly—the feigning of happiness, disconnection, and misalignment of her married life and the life that her soul knows, needs and wants.

In the relationship training, mediation and workplace restoration business, my partner and I have seen that a lack of authenticity create so much conflict. People are unaware of their own falseness. They lack authenticity and often are not even aware of it. It’s unconscious and often unintentional. People don’t know what they don’t know, so it takes some unraveling of the issue from a third party to help them see how their own truth has been clouded.

Bob, for example, is unhappy with his manager. Bob assumes that his concern or complaint is directly related to his manager because the cost of taking responsibility for himself is higher than passing the buck to someone else. Rather than paying the price of discomfort to have an authentic conversation with his manager, Bob instead shares his unhappiness with his other colleagues. Once he has enlisted a few like-minded people, Bob takes his complaints above his manager and requests that something be done on his behalf. This is a common scenario, and one that I’m sure every workplace, family and circle of friends can relate to.

We avoid the cost of authentic and real conversations because we don’t want to pay the price of discomfort, fear, vulnerability and self-awareness. To make things worse, there are many systems in place which support and enable this type of behavior in the workplace. To use systems like grievances, incident reports and formal complaints to protect us from our own dishonesty and unresolved internal conflicts is like spending excessively when we’re already in debt.

Is it less costly to hide? To pass the buck? Not in the long run. Hiding our own falseness or lack of authenticity is a short road that rears its ugly head over and over again until we are ready to face the truth and pay the price of being who we really are. Living an authentic life won’t always be easy for you and those that really matter to you, but as you create conversations about your authenticity and decide to stay true to who you really are, the freedom you’ll feel from your soul is priceless.

Dig In and Be Rich

It’s human nature to want to come out big—to present ourselves as larger-than-life in conversations, relationships, and success.

However, in order to come out big, we have to go in first, even though our instincts tell us otherwise.

In one of my keynotes, I talk about going in big before you can come out big, and the concept of expanding on the inside first before you can become big on the outside.

Take, for example, my favorite golfer—my son—who wants to send the golf ball as far as possible down the fairway and into the hole with the least number of strokes.  To do this, he needs to come out big off the tee.  His first motion, however, is not toward the hole.  Instead, he draws his club into a full backswing, only then bringing it forward in a more powerful way to connect with the ball and drive it much further than if he’d just teed up and swung forward.

Those of you who play the game of golf will also agree that the toughest six inches of the course are between your ears.  It’s your mental game that holds your physical game together.

Regardless of what you wish to become better at, before you can come out in full swing, you need to consider the ways that you need to go in first.

Let’s say you want to come out big during a workplace meeting.  You’d naturally think that you have to come out with the right words that appeal to the meeting’s audience.  But what if you shifted your approach to go in first?  What if you started by listening to what people want, taking in their thoughts and feelings, and then coming out with something relevant to their input?  Do you see how you’d engage their interests more effectively and have more influence?

Going in before coming out can also resolve conflict.  When dealing with conflict, our natural instinct is to win—to place blame or find fault with the other party involved. That’s your ego wanting to be right and to protect you, but it’s not always the shortest path to resolve.  Rather than coming right out with your need to place blame and find fault, you could go in the opposite direction: you could go in and take responsibility for yourself.  What did you bring to the conflict?  If the conflict within you was triggered by someone else’s actions, it could be a mirror for you to see something within yourself that is unresolved.

Dig in, get messy, and find out for yourself.  Explore the connection between what’s happening today and how it relates to something in your past.  See what you need to see, own what’s yours, and come out with cleaner hands, bigger and more powerful on the outside than had you not challenged your natural instincts first.

Going inward to develop first on the inside is the only way to come out with your full swing in life.  What would happen if you used this strategy to gain more inner expansion, power, and clarity for yourself before coming out swinging?

Dig in, and be rich in all the ways that really matter.

Penny

Let Go and Be Rich

 

I’ve learned a tough lesson about holding on.

Sometimes we want something to be a certain way, and so we try to control the outcome.  For example, we want a relationship to work out, so we grab on real tight.  What happens is the opposite, people fight to get away from our strong hold.  So, I’m letting go of the need to control the outcome.

Perhaps you hold a strong opinion that is opposed by someone else in your office.  You stick only to your way of thinking.  You’re sure that you’re right, but a decision is made that does not agree with your opinion, and you hold on to feelings of resentment stemming from you not getting your way.

Maybe someone is treating you poorly—including you in their drama.  Maybe you’re doing that to them.

Maybe you didn’t get your way, and you feel the constant urge to punish or teach a lesson to the person who took it from you.

Maybe you’re holding on to old, unresolved conflict, and hurting the people closest to you in the process because you don’t want to look within and clear up what you don’t like about yourself.

Maybe you’re upset because of a disconnected relationship in your workplace or personal life, and you’re letting negative thoughts take over your entire day.

Maybe you’re plagued with chronic complainers who just want to whine about the way things are or the way they are not.

In each of these scenarios, someone is holding on to something that’s not really flowing with what we like to call ‘ease and grace’.  There’s resistance.

When we feel resistance, we take a stance for what we think is right.  Our ego wants us to be right.  It’s easier to make others wrong than it is to make ourselves responsible.  But a stance cannot flow.  Things are too rigid.  Nothing can move.

If you find yourself taking a stance when confronted with such a situation, these three words will help you: “Let it go!”

To “let it go” can mean a few different things.  It can simply mean to loosen up a little—or, on the harsher side of things, to leave someone or something behind.  You’ll know what’s right by listening to your own intuition and gut feeling when you consider the issue and your ideas for resolving it.  Take a break and put down the problem, even if just for a while, and ask for some guidance.  The right ideas will come to you.  Sometimes the right ideas will be the exact opposite of what you were expecting or hoping for.

Life isn’t always easy.  It’s not about feeling good; it’s about doing what’s right.  Don’t drive yourself crazy by hanging on to things that you cannot control.  Find a balance between staying connected and disconnecting when necessary.

There’s a relationship between staying connected to something unhealthy, and the fear of vulnerability.  What are you afraid to be vulnerable in, that’s causing you to hold onto something unhealthy?  That’s an interesting contemplation that should keep you busy for a while.

Letting go is not the same as losing.  It’s a way to release yourself from the rigidity and control of a situation, circumstance, or person, thereby freeing yourself to create something new.

What would happen if you just let go of something or someone that you’re really hanging on to when the things aren’t moving in the right direction?

What you resist, persists. ~ Carl Yung