When Sweet Relationships Go Sour

It even happens to me. The sweetest, most delicate and important relationships can go sour, just like that. This can be emotionally crushing. From my experience, here’s my top 3 ideas on what you can do about it. Watch the Video

Take the High Road – Act in your highest possible way; a way that you won’t regret later. It’s difficult, and it’s a lonely place, so reach out to people who’ll help you stay on the high road, not to people who’ll keep you spinning in negativity. You’ll benefit by professional help. I did.

Know What’s Yours and What’s Not – Because there are two or more people involved, and you’re only in control of one of them, you have to know what’s yours, and what’s not.

– What you’ve contributed to the issue,
– What your responsibility is to yourself and the other person,
– and what you need to do about that part.

The rest is theirs, and you have no control over that, but I guarantee you if you spend your energy fixing yourself, you’ll be miles ahead in your relationship potential. Often when you fix your thinking, and the problems fix themselves. So there’s your Work. Fix your own thinking, take responsibility for your part, be humble and vulnerable. Try to see it from all people’s perspectives, and allow others the freedom to have their own viewpoint. Their viewpoint is not right or wrong … It just is what it is. Let go of the need to control others, and do your own Work.

When in conversation about the conflict or issues, rather than defending yourself, (you don’t need to defend who you on the high road), listen to the other person(s) and let you know you heard them. Don’t judge. You’ll never be perfect and neither will others. Don’t make people wrong. As long as you’re making people wrong, there can be no connected relationship.

Have Faith – I learned while going through some tough years of being disconnected from someone so extremely important to me, to stop holding on so tight. Someone suggested that I let it go so that God could pick it up. I never forgot that. That became my Work. Having faith that if I held the intention of what I wanted, and let go of the need to control the timing, that it would happen just the way it’s supposed to.

And so I did, and it was hard, and I waited a long time, and I loved anyway, and I shared my most painful emotions with my closest circle of people, and I cried and yearned for things to be better but it took what seemed like an eternity of waiting. In those times I learned about the fragility of relationships. Of how quickly something so sweet could go sour, and I wept, but I also grew. I expanded and I became stronger and more resilient. Today, I have that person back in my life, and he’s precious like the greatest most fragile and valuable gift in the world. Have faith!

You can’t always mend a broken relationship, but there’s no such thing as a failed one if you learn the lessons from the tumultuous times. Find your lessons. Whether its workplace or business relationships, family or friends, cherish what you have and when sweet relationships go sour, take the high road, know what’s yours and have faith. If I can help, it would be my absolute pleasure because sweet relationships are worth investing in.

Remember, your greatest leadership day is with Penny Tremblay!  705-358-3396

Vision Card

Visualize Your Dreams – Card Making Activity

In this vision card, free activity we’ll create individual collages representing long-term personal, educational and career goal setting. Every DREAM CARD is different and may have images and words representing different life areas.

Consider the following aspects of your life:

  • Spirituality
  • Health
  • Relationships
  • Wealth
  • Hobbies / Toys
  • Travel
  • Job / Contribution
  • Your WHY
  • Giving Back
  • Other …

Search for images on the internet or snap photos of the items you’d like to attract into your life. Place the images on a card using your card sending account. If you don’t have one, text me for a complimentary code to send two free greeting cards with postage paid. 705-358-3396

Personally, I position Spiritual image(s) in the middle of my vision card or vision board. Spirituality is the core of my being, so I put it in the middle of everything else. I also put Relationships in the top right corner, because that is the highest point and starting point of my circle. I group images together that represent the aspects of life that are important to me, moving clockwise around the canvass.

Mail the card to yourself or make it a campaign and send a copy to the people that matter to you, your up-line and /or accountability partner.

Keep your DREAM CARD in your view.

When you look at it, feel the feeling of having life the way you are designing it.

Don’t underestimate the visions and feelings of having them, of what you want in life. You’ll be amazed at how this tool works when you have high intention, and low attachment to the results.

Call me if you have any questions, or to bring this workshop activity to your group.

Businesses and organizations need a Strategic Plan to guide them through the wide range of possibilities and reign in their employees to align with one main focus.  View our Strategic Planning facilitation service.

10 Reasons to Thank Your Customers

I’ve been basking in gratitude this week for all that I have, including the people in my life, and in my business.  I feel so blessed to have great clients.

Yesterday I had a request from an international journal to re-run an article that I’d written for them years ago, because they feel it’s still so relevant to success. It too is about gratitude, specifically by thanking customers.  Although it’s written for a certain industry, it’s relevant to all.

Here’s the article download.  Read, do, and be rich in stronger more profitable relationships.

https://zi159.infusionsoft.com/Download?Id=8496

 

 

 

Passion For Your Business Affecting Your Marriage?

Some people believe that business passion affects marriage. As businesswomen, we may feel that we have to make a choice between our love for our marriages and families and the passion that fuels our entrepreneurial spirits!

What makes this business dilemma more difficult for women than men goes back thousands of years, but times are changing, and so are the needs of both partners.

You can have all the love and passion that you want with the strategy revealed in a short interview with Teresa Ball, a vibrant and loving entrepreneur, wife and mom to many.

Our balance sheet isn’t always defined by the numbers on a ledger. As an entrepreneur, Teresa has a great lesson for all women—especially those feeling challenged by their spouses—about the businesses they’re in love with.

I met Teresa at a large convention in Salt Lake City when she purchased my book, Give and Be Rich. Her story of love and passion brought tears to my eyes, and I knew it needed to be shared, and shared by those I shared it with, and those they shared it with, and so on.

There are many women who deal with unsupportive spouses and families that feel ignored or less important than the businesses that their moms are so passionate about.

Many of these women’s spouses feel burdened by changes in their day-to-day responsibilities, threatened by a partner who travels or meets with the opposite sex, or insecure about having a significant other become more successful than them.

It seems that as we are building or expanding our businesses, the relationships in our lives shift. It can be a difficult time as you try to protect your passion for your business and stand up for who you are and what you do, while butting heads with some of the fears and insecurities that drive typical family bonds.

This is a dangerous zone to be moving through. With good communication and lots of extra ‘action’, you’ll be able to have your love and your passion on a whole new level.

Listen to find out how Teresa Ball from Rossville, Georgia and her husband, Paul, worked through it.

Give and Be Rich in Love and Passion, business passion affects marriage but working together at it, you can have it all!

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Other articles like this: Love is a Verb

Download the Free Offer short interview with Teresa Ball.

 

 

 

My Life Is Messy

Having coffee with an influential woman in my life the other day had some food for thought tossed on the table. She said that people see me as ‘near perfect’, and that it could possibly hold them back from connecting. I was surprised to hear this feedback, because I have a messy life, but it wasn’t the first time I’d heard it.

Several years ago I was working with a Spiritual teacher in California on an exercise around intimacy (meaning allowing people to see into me, into-me-see). I failed the exercise miserably. The teacher said, “I agree. When you show up, you’re still ten steps back, and although magnificent from there, people can’t feel you.” I was shocked by this feedback, and remember sleeping like a baby that night (went to bed early, cried all night, woke up early crying some more). I was a mess to learn this about myself, but it was true, and I grew from it.

Up until that time, I’d mastered the art of allowing people to see what I wanted them to see. With the outer mask and energetic wall I’d erected, my image seemed to be quite controllable. Or at least that’s what I thought, until I realized the huge cost for masks and walls. The cost gets paid in connection, or lack of connection. People couldn’t get in, and I couldn’t get out.

A common example of masks is seen in all media. Social media posts have people staging their best photos, best times and put their best announcements up for all to see, which masks the big picture of their life. Print media and magazine images are touched up, teeth are whitened, blemishes removed etc. etc.

Another example of masking is noticeable in the workplace. People wear masks to seem perfect in their roles or attain promotions. They dress the part, and presto! They feel like they’re half way there, but it doesn’t take long for those who work with them to get the ‘real read’, because we can’t hide our energy.

The most important question I think we need to ask is “What’s wrong with messy?” Or what’s wrong with real, authentic, genuine ways of being, of which imperfection is big part? Ego isn’t nearly as attractive as authenticity, intimacy and vulnerability. Take off the masks, and tear down the walls, and let people feel the real deal.

I want to ask anyone who hasn’t reached out to me because they thought I was unapproachable, or they couldn’t feel me, to try again. My life is messy. It’s nowhere near ‘perfect’, thank God! Perfect is way too much work. The verb (to perfect) is good planning and good use of our time, but we all have ‘stuff’. If you’re looking at someone who seems better than you are in some way, just remember that you are only seeing the surface. You have no idea what’s really going on, and how messy one’s life can be, nor does it even matter. Comparison is the thief of joy. Don’t let your joy be stolen by the idea that someone else has a near-perfect life. We are all on this earth for growth, and we grow most during the tough times.

I now celebrate the messes in my life because without them I wouldn’t be able to inspire others with my own experiences. My toughest lessons have brought me wisdom, humility, strength and made me more able to relate to others. If I could wave my magic wand I wouldn’t change my past. There’s some very important relationships that I wish were better, but the messiness is part of who I am, where I’m going and how I can serve people in the future.

The best way to enrich our lives is to accept and love ourselves, and hope to get messy often enough.

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Want a messy Coach? Speaker? Group Facilitator?

 

Here’s a fitting testimonial: If I could offer a suggestion…although your site is very informative and pleasing to the eye….I was initially a little concerned your approach may be more of a business/corporate style….but you are very personal and intimate and genuine in your style and I think that should be somehow represented on your site so folks realize you can and will do small groups; specifically First Nations groups as your style is very fitting for our People and don’t be reluctant to draw on that and target First Peoples agencies and organizations.  You have left a lasting impression and your mentors and teachers have nothing on you…..your style is infectious and unique unto you!   Be well,  J. Mattson

Until Death Do We… Unite

“Until death do we part” is etched in my mind as a popular wedding vow.  Lately, however, I’ve been thinking about how death or tragedy brings people together.  The sharing of loss, grief and compassion has family members dropping the things that would normally keep them too busy to connect so that they can show up to support one another.  The deeper question I have is why do we wait?  Why does it take a tragedy to put the first things first in our lives, which—for most people—are relationships?

Even a minor shift in a relationship piques my interest in this subject.  I recently heard news of a talented businessman leaving our community and felt an urgent need to connect with him.  I wanted to ensure that our relationship doesn’t end.  He’s valuable to me.  I feel I have as much to offer him as he has to offer me. “Why did I wait?” I asked myself.

If you took your last breath upon retiring to bed tonight, would it all be said?  Would those you love and care about know how you feel?  Would the strained relationships in your life become resolved? More importantly, would you feel complete with those who really matter to you?

My partner Matt received a phone call about a month ago with sad news of his step-father’s passing. Matt’s mom had left his stepfather at home while she ran a daily errand, only to come home 45 minutes later to find him laying on the floor.  He had passed away very suddenly and with no warning.  Matt spent a few hours with his mom and the body of his stepdad before the coroner took him away.  It was in those moments that Matt was able to say a few things that he’d been wanting to say for many years.

When we see someone, we never know if it will be for the last time; yet if we think about how we’d leave things with that person—just in case it is the last time—we’d respond and communicate from a deeper place of love and acceptance instead of judgment and criticism.  It’s not just the person we’re losing that we connect with in a time of tragedy.  We rekindle, resolve and reconnect with other members of our family or community with whom we’ve grown apart from because we realize that the human needs of support and compassion that we can give far outweigh our own selfish battles of ego, being right, being accepted, or being treated a certain way.  Why don’t we just default to love, support and compassion?

Things that matter most shouldn’t be at the mercy of things that matter least.  In the end, relationships matter most, so why wait?  We’re not too busy when there is a tragedy to drop everything and go to support the people that matter, so why don’t we make time to nurture the needs of relationships that matter even in the absence of tragedy?

Healing of Mothers and Children

I’m sharing this personal experience to help in the healing of mothers and children, as we celebrate Mother’s Day.

Early this morning I sat in a deep meditation, inviting wisdom from spiritual sources; some who are alive and some that have passed.  In the center of my circle of wisdom keepers and seekers, a fire burned and the intention was set for healing, clarity and wisdom about being a Mom, and/or a daughter/son.

It was known that we can be called to duty because we’ve got gifts to give.  The Creator, God, has a divine plan for us, and the duties sometimes seem unfair, but we’re given tasks because of our capabilities to perform them best.

Sometimes as Mother’s, we need to make difficult choices to save ourselves that seem to interrupt the flow or the comfort of our children or families.  Being a Mom / child is just a part of who we are, and taking care of the other parts of who we are critical to our inner peace.  These choices can cause upset for our children or parents, they will grow through the struggles.  The bond of love between a mother and child is unbreakable at a soul level.  Our job as Mother’s is to love our children.  It is not their job to love us back.  It is their job to find their way amidst the obstacles of life, and we must allow them to explore.  There is a lot of time in the future to allow the bonds of love between parent and child to be fulfilling.

I was reminded that well beyond this lifetime, there are many other lives to live out, and we choose people long before we came into this life to live with and learn some of our toughest lessons, which strengthen us for this and future lives.

We have choices to make about the company we keep.  At times, those choices divide families, where alternatively, we could continue a life of stifling our own spirit, to maintain the connection.  Either way, there’s a cost.  The question is, what result do we seek, and are we willing to pay the appropriate price.

It was suggested to love our partners, for the relationship long outlives the term we are parents.  Children pass through our lives, partnerships are something we crave long-term, and shouldn’t be at the mercy of parenting.  There’s always a regret when we’ve lost a partner, that we could have invested more love, more time.

Although the search for true happiness and completion will never end, we must enjoy the journey while we continue to live curiously through each day, soaking up every moment with a sense of gratitude for what each moment brings.  This is possible and amplified with a Spiritual connection.  With a connection to our higher power that we truly believe in and nurture daily, we realize that life is far more than our role as mothers or children.  Spiritually connected and in tune, we know that the core of our being we are loved through all our imperfections, we are enough and that we are never ever alone.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Be the Gift of Tolerance

Being among family can be more demanding of our emotional capacity than anything else.  You can choose your friends, but family is chosen for us, and the bond runs deep whether relations are good or not good. Tolerance is an asset.

Be the Gift this year.  Be tolerant of others.  Be the one who can mingle in family time without judgment.  Accept people for who they are, or who they are not.

Be aware of your intolerant thoughts  about people, places or things.  If thoughts of resentment, jealousy, judgment or self pity back come up, redirect them back toward your own peace as if they are light beams that are yours, and being chosen to keep for their brilliant energy.  Call it back to you, and convert it to light, bright goodness so that it can be medicine for your own mind, body and spirit.

Other people’s issues aren’t our problem to solve.  They’ve got their own struggles and we have ours.  If we were supposed to be dealing with their struggles, it would feel right.  But it feels off, which is our internal guidance system telling us to focus elsewhere.

This is a very short Holiday greeting, because I know you’re busy and heading into the most intensive seasons of the year.  A time when you’ll be with family, and those that matter most to you, and for some, a time when you can only wish you could be with someone special who isn’t there.  Be Tolerant – and Be Rich in peace, love and joy.

 

Just Ask

The other day I sat in a circle discussion led by my partner Matt Thorpe, addressing a group of youth at the Atikokan Native Friendship Centre, on the topic of  alcohol and drugs and the road of substance abuse, crime and violence versus the alternative; sobriety and living honestly at the top of your game.

One young fellow mentioned that he had some great experiences including attend a conference of Chiefs, and a private conversation with one of them because he had asked to participate and asked for the private meeting as well.  We shared about the power of just asking.  Ask for what you need.  Ask for what you want.  Ask for someone to include you in something you’d like to be a part of.  Keep on asking people for the things you want.

Many people don’t ask.  Instead they assume that all the things they’d ask for aren’t achievable, or attainable, or they’re somehow not worthy.

I wrote a piece of wisdom in my recent book Give and Be Rich, about asking, where A.S.K. is an acronym for Assertiveness, Skills and Knowledge.  Be assertive to obtain the skills and knowledge that you need.  People love to give their knowledge.  People love when you show an interest in what they’re up to.  You’ll be surprised at the result when you  do ask, because the worst answer you could receive back is a NO, which leaves you no further behind where you were when you asked.  So you have nothing to lose, and lots to gain by asking.

On the way home from that circle discussion, I got pulled over by the OPP.  I wasn’t paying attention to my speed, and I was about to get a ticket.  So I asked!  I asked if there would be a possibility that the officer would give me a break because I’m trying to clean up my driving record and lessen my insurance costs.  I’m so glad I asked and that the lesson of asking was at the top of my mind, so I am paying it forward.  Just Ask!

What will YOU ask for?

Alcoholism Hurts Families

Perhaps a more personal topic than I usually write, this one is too close to home having just attended the funeral of my partner’s 31 year old nephew, and knowing the story of alcoholism that took over his better judgment. I’m struggling with why not to write this, why not help other families, why not change even just one person who reads this.

Army was his name.  Drinking and drugging became his answer to something.  It got a hold of him, the cunning, baffling and powerful obsession slowly made the decisions for him that would result in his parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and friends saying good bye to a young man who’s organs became the victim to an incurable disease – alcoholism.

Now just for a moment, imagine that was your family member.  Your son, grandson, nephew, brother, cousin or friend.  Just see the people that you love that you know are users of substance, maybe even yourself, and let that thought really sink into your mind, so you can feel the feeling of loss.

This isn’t a judgment of how other’s spend their time, money, or find answers to their deepest questions or challenges.  This is a message that there is another way.  There is a road to recovery.  There is an honesty that is required, for people to dig deep into, to find out why they do what they do, what the risks are, and how alcoholism affects families.

In my past two years of workplace relationships, resolution and reconciliation services, I’ve heard hundreds of personal stories by people affected by alcohol in their families, stories hidden deep down because alcohol wasn’t a topic to mention.  Painful stories of people unaware of how their drinking or another generations drinking affected them, revealing experiences  created by the undercurrent that alcoholic families have running, but no-one’s talking about.  This has to stop.  We need to vent.  We need to speak up and encourage those hurting to speak out about how we’re all affected.

I’ve experienced this personally in my relationships too.  I’ve been one to party regularly, and luckily managed to escape the powerful grip that substance has on others.  As I look back, I’m concerned for our youth.  What example do we set for them when they’re little and learning about life?  Children learn with they live.  What do they continue to see and experience with other adult influences in their lives outside our control?  And are we talking with them about it?   Are we living the example that we hope our youth model in their later years?

I’ve always said that whatever the question, love is the answer.  So many people numb the feeling of not being loved.  Not being enough, not being seen, not being acknowledged.  Being abandoned.  Being abused.  Being lied to, cheated on.  The list is long … We need to express our love with words.  We need to express our challenges with those we’ve grown up with using conversation to talk about things, and not hide in the fear of having difficult discussions for our own healing.  We’ve got to be vulnerable enough to share honest thoughts, feelings and experiences.  This is the answer that our soul seeks most.  Alcohol and drugs are a cover up for the real answer. It just so happens that the numbing affect of alcohol and drugs wear off, and in the constant need for more, our bodies and relationships are strained and broken.

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This article is dedicated to the life of Armond Jr. Thorpe to carry on his legacy by empowering people to create one conversation at a time, to help heal those who think they’ve found the answer.  If you need help creating conversations, I’m willing to help.  Contact me personally.