In the first habit of Dr. Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, we learn the benefit of being proactive. To be proactive means that, as human beings, we are responsible for our own lives. In other words, we are “response-able” ? able to choose our response.
Proactive people recognize this responsibility and do not blame circumstances, situations or past conditioning for their behaviour. Rather, their behaviour is a conscious choice based on their values.
We are proactive by nature, however, when we allow our behaviour to be driven by our feelings rather than our values, we become reactive. The ability to reduce an impulse to a value is the true essence of a proactive person. Language can be a good indicator of whether someone is proactive or reactive in nature.
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Reactive Language
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Proactive Language
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| There is nothing I can do. | Let’s look at our alternatives. |
| That’s just the way I am. | I can choose a different approach. |
| He makes me so mad. | I control my own feelings. |
| They won’t allow that. | I can create an effective presentation. |
| I have to do that. | I will choose an appropriate response. |
| I can’t. | I choose. |
| I must. | I prefer. |
| If only. | I will. |
Source: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey
For example, imagine coworkers are excluding you from their social circle at breaks and lunch times. Initial emotions may cause your self-esteem and self-confidence to suffer. The reactive person would act on their feelings and possibly assume that there is nothing they can do, or blame others for their emotions. The proactive person would allow their values to determine their behaviour, perhaps choosing to look at alternative people to socialize with, or using a different approach of confronting the group with a chosen strategy of communication to better understand the issue.
Jack Canfield writes of this skill in his book The Success Principles, and is also quoted in The Secret, telling us of many people who have limiting beliefs about how they cannot be, do or have something because of their past conditioning ? my mother abandoned me,,my father was an alcoholic,,I was abused as a child, etc. This is just ” so what ” , Canfield says. The real “what ” is ” what are you going to do about it now? ” This is a prime example of a proactive approach to life, where we as responsible (response-able) humans are able to choose our responses, and act according to our values, rather than blame people or past conditioning for our current life circumstances.
I empower you to be proactive. Act based on your values and create the life of your dreams; the life that you deserve.
Penny